Experiences of an Eternal Student

A Paper I Wrote on "That Class I Hated"

2011-12-06T13:41:00.003-05:00

A Brief Analysis of Classroom Dynamics in the Introductory Course for Comparative Studies Graduate Students

While the very nature of the Comparative Studies Department is meant to encourage inclusion and diversity, the forces we seek to dismantle (namely, racism and sexism) are subtly at work in the classroom as well. This essay is not intended to blame any particular person or group for the inequality seen in the academy, but simply to foster awareness of the way we may be instinctively reproducing damaging power dynamics.

Comparative Studies 710, the introductory course for graduate students, is a seminar that requires every individual to participate. By tracking the actual participation by (apparent) ethnicity and gender, it is clear that we fall short of equality. It is important to note that these statistics and analyses were tracked over three classes, during weeks seven and eight of a ten-week quarter, so the power dynamics in place had essentially solidified. From my personal conversations, I know that the students who didn’t participate did not feel that it was their choice, but rather felt shut down by their classmates. I, too, frequently felt blocked by my “more educated” classmates, and this was the motivation behind my retreat into note-taking.

For the numerical portion of my analysis, I noted speaking turns as any time a student was able to share his/her thoughts on the topics presented for discussion. In the first class I recorded, men took 69 speaking turns, while women took 99 turns. This suggested an implicit sexism to me, because out of 13 students present, only four were male. The proportion of speaking turns to presence in the classroom did not match what one would expect from equal participation. Perhaps more surprisingly, the number of women of color was equal to the number of men, but women of color only had nine speaking turns in that class period. All nine turns were taken by the woman who was a native speaker of English, while the three silent women were speaking English as a Second Language.

On the other days I recorded, men spoke between 27 and 41% of the time, though they only made up 23 and 31% of the class participants, respectively. In these classes, women of color did attempt to speak up more, although there were many instances when they were ignored or interrupted. Two of the international students spent the majority of their time on the computer, viewing entertainment-oriented foreign-language websites, which prevented them from having meaningful participation in the discussion. It’s not possible to determine whether this is due to the stifling atmosphere of the seminar, or simply as a personal choice.

One of the most salient aspects of the inequality apparent in this classroom was the way in which people referred to their classmates. Only once in the first class I recorded did a white male refer to anyone by name, and in that case it was another male student to whom he was referring. On the other hand, the women in the room addressed men by their names several times.

Gendered language also had a strong effect on the speaking turns taken. Generally, women were more likely to defer to a male interruption, and men tended to speak more loudly and hold the floor for a longer period of time. Examples of female deference included phrases such as:

“We’d like to try it, if that’s okay...”

“Sort of?”

“I suppose...”

“Go ahead, I was blabbing.” (in response to interruption from a male student)

“I don’t want to assume...”

“Maybe we should talk about...”

“I think I’ve said enough...too much actually.”

“I don’t know if I got it wrong.”

- among other phrases that admitted a lack of understanding of the subject matter. On the contrary, I documented no instances where a male student admitted confusion or not understanding. There were a few hedge words (typically associated with female speech) uttered by men, but much more rarely than those spoken by women.

A possible explanation for the lack of participation from non-native English speakers and students outside the Comparative Studies department could be the language used by those in charge of the discussions. There were numerous references to a presumed knowledge outside of the class readings. Ideas were described as “Machiavellian” and “Orwellian” in one class, expecting that each student had the Euro-American education necessary for an understanding of these authors.

Unnecessarily complex vocabulary may also be to blame for the exclusion of students educated outside the United States. One direct quotation from a white male student claimed there “is a wrinkle in the infrastructure/superstructure section...a twist on normative dialectical materialism.” A white female student tried to explain the “metaphor of topography promulgated by Marx himself.” Rather than admitting that the readings were difficult, one white woman claimed that Freud is “super-fun to read, good for a summer’s day.” Such a comment made it extremely difficult for other students to admit that they were having trouble comprehending any of the readings.

While I would hesitate to claim that the classroom dynamics were specifically intended to exclude certain students, it is obvious that the language and references used in the seminar worked to silence anyone not educated in the Euro-American tradition. In my personal discussions with (female) classmates, I learned that I was not alone in feeling that certain debates only served as a demonstration of prior knowledge, rather than a genuine engagement with the assigned readings.

Certainly, in order to ensure that students from all demographic backgrounds feel welcome in higher education, further study of the power dynamics at work in the classroom would be critical.

School or Real Life?

2011-11-02T19:26:00.002-04:00

So, I'm having a bit of a life crisis right now. I really hate graduate school. No, it's not because of the work - I like doing the readings and writing papers. I just can't stand sitting in class and listening to everyone speak just to hear their own voices. People who aren't even studying something related to the day's topics will interrupt a classmate to say, "Well, in my thesis..." and spend ten minutes blathering on about their pointless research topic. Anyone outside that discipline is totally lost in the jargon, and the few non-native English speakers in our program never get the chance to voice their opinions, because they don't know enough snobby words. Everyone talks about equality and how to solve poverty, but no one does ANYthing about it - no volunteer work, not even treating their fellow students equally. The white men dominate absolutely every class.

At first I was just frustrated with my classmates, but still trying to power through the program. Now I'm wondering if I should be in it at all. If I have such distaste for academia, and so little respect for my colleagues, is grad school really an appropriate choice? Isn't it disrespectful to just sit in class and internally mock the other students (or draw snarky comics about them)?

Maybe my time would be better spent back in the real world. I know it seems silly to get so worked up about arrogant intellectuals, but it is literally driving me insane to sit in class and listen to them proclaim their communist philosophies, as they type away on laptops manufactured by slave labor, and created with minerals from war-torn Congo. No one actually cares about the world; they just like to appear as if they do. I'm not sure how much longer I can play nicely in class. Today I didn't talk at all because I knew that it would come out as screaming, "Oh really? You think that everyone should have an equal voice in society? Then how about you let the women of color in this room say a single word!" They interrupt each other just to say more pointless things, and talk about research topics that will never have an impact on today's world. They simultaneously consider themselves to be superior intellectuals and a part of the working class.

The complete disconnection to reality is disturbing. So the question I pose to you is: should I really be going to grad school if I think it is ultimately useless and I detest most of my colleagues? I know that a graduate degree is necessary for teaching, but should I even go on to teach if I think the entire university system is defunct? Is there even a point to getting an MA in Comparative Literature if I don't plan to teach?

Help!

Sarah's Wedding Ceremony

2011-10-15T21:43:00.004-04:00

Jack-O-Lanterns

2011-10-15T21:27:00.001-04:00

Jennifer and I carved pumpkins for Halloween this year! Unfortunately they are now shriveling out on the balcony, but the first night they were lit, it was lovely.

Boat Photos

2011-10-10T18:58:00.001-04:00

Sarah's Wedding Preparations

2011-10-07T22:15:00.003-04:00

Valarie's Travel Tips

2011-09-24T20:10:00.003-04:00

I recently made a trip with Habitat for Humanity to Portugal, and on the way there I stopped for two days in Ireland, just because I could. Not everything went smoothly, so I'm compiling a list of travel tips so no one else will make the same mistakes that I did!

- book all flights ahead of time; standby is no longer a cheaper option, and the stress of day-before booking is not worth the chance you could save $100, especially since it could cost you several hundred more. This is a gamble not worth taking if you actually have to travel somewhere.

- on the other hand, DON'T book day trips in advance. Budget money to take bus tours or a train to the north of the country, but don't pay for it as part of a package online. It's likely cheaper to purchase day trips through your hotel or a local tourism agency, and you don't want to be locked into plan if you get sick overseas, or if a better opportunity presents itself.

- through traveling out of season is cheaper, be aware that many attractions may be closed

- if you are traveling alone (especially if you're female), don't skimp on accommodations! Book safe, private rooms.

- for anyone traveling alone: budget money for organized activities and attractions at your destination. Wandering the city is a cheap way to sightsee, but it's only fun when you have a friend to turn to and say, "Hey, do you want to go get lunch by the river? How about we go shopping in Temple Bar?" PLUS getting lost alone is very scary, while getting lost with a friend is usually just an adventure

A Relatively Clear Face

2011-08-01T12:50:00.003-04:00

This is probably the first unretouched photo I've ever posted of myself, which I do realize is quite vain. I complain a lot about my face issues, but today I'm going to be grateful for what I do have.

Though I moan about my acne, which is still hanging out long past puberty, it's not as bad as it used to be. More importantly, it isn't usually painful like it used to be!

Another issue I have is psoriasis. This is a skin condition where the skin cells produce too rapidly, creating scaly patches on my face and scalp. In this photo it appears like a burn just above each eyebrow, though it's partially covered by my hair. Psoriasis is very uncomfortable and I whine about it plenty, but I should be very grateful that it's restricted to a few patches on my face, and mostly underneath my hair. Psoriasis can get even worse than this (poor baby!), so mine is really quite mild. P.S. - it's not contagious!

So there's your medical education for the day and my thing to be grateful for, all wrapped up into a little package.

Sunshine

2011-07-19T14:01:00.002-04:00

Simple enough: I'm grateful for sunshine! This photo was taken while I was at a stoplight driving home from work.

Community Parks

2011-07-19T13:47:00.002-04:00

I am grateful for community parks, where I can take the kids I babysit or otherwise care for. It's so nice to have safe locations filled with flowers, walking trails, or even carousels! We get to meet all sorts of neighbors. The Columbus Commons park replaced the old City Centre, a shady mall downtown. It's lovely to walk around the green lawns and look at the buildings of our city. Almost makes me want to stay in Columbus!

Beautification Programs

2011-07-01T13:57:00.002-04:00

I am grateful to live in a place that thinks it's important to plant daffodils on the medians of roads. Tokyo is awesome and all, but there and in other cities, no one seems to care if plant life becomes extinct altogether! I just think it is so nice that someone goes to the trouble of planting and caring for flowers amid traffic.

Fun with Statistics!

2011-06-28T23:41:00.002-04:00

I decided to do a little project to entertain myself during commercials tonight, from 8 pm - 11 pm on NBC. Of the 255 people I saw in advertisements, I marked down the apparent racial category of each person and what role they played in the commercial. Since racial representation in TV shows and movies is another study entirely, I ignored the trailers for upcoming shows and films. Here are tonight's results:

179 people were obviously white/Caucasian, which amounts to a little over 70% of the people visible in commercials. This corresponds to the actual representation in the United States according to the 2010 Census, IF you count all people of Hispanic origin as white. I actually could not identify any of the people in these commercials as definitely Hispanic, which raises the question of how people can visually define the Hispanic population at all!

Of the 179 white people, 26 were in positions of power (role models, managers, professionals, etc.) while 15 were in subordinate or demeaning roles (serving another character, comedic relief). The rest seemed neutral to me (customers, people driving cars, suburban families).

I saw 55 people who were clearly black, which made them overrepresented at 22% of the commercial population, when in reality only 13% of 2010 Census respondents identified themselves as black.

3 black actors were portrayed in positions of power, while 6 were in subordinate roles - in one case playing an elf for Santa Claus, and in several instances the scantily-clad dancers for a rap star.

8 people were apparently Asian-Americans, accounting for 3% of the advertisements compared to 5% of the real U.S. population. I saw no actors who could be classified as Pacific Islander, South Asian, or Arab.

Only 1 Asian was shown in position of power (as an inspirational figure), with none being viewed as subordinate.

I could not clearly identify the race of 13 people, placing them in the coveted "racially ambiguous" category that is so good for marketing.

A few other notes on the diversity of these commercials - when the advertiser wanted to portray American suburbia, such as in Denny's "Tour of America" specials or Bob Evans' "Down on the Farm" slogan, almost exclusively white people were chosen to represent the picture-perfect Americans.

Likewise, almost all the people shown driving cars were white. I wonder if marketing experts have shown that people of color buy new cars so rarely as to make it unprofitable to target that demographic?

Nuclear families (mother, father, and usually two children) were generally white as well. The black actors would show up as friends visiting, but rarely as their own family unit.

Stay tuned for later in the week, when I will analyze the commercials played on FOX! (This should be good)

Roads

2011-06-19T11:24:00.002-04:00

Sounds strange, but I am grateful for roads! Whoever came up with the idea to level the ground and pave it over, adding traffic lights and signs to control the flow of vehicles, was a smart person. If there weren't any roads, I would either have to walk or ride a horse over bumpy terrain to get to work. And how on earth could I take kids with autism where they need to go?

Excessive Cuteness

2011-06-09T00:12:00.002-04:00

Today I am grateful for the excessive cuteness of babies. I say excessive because really, by virtue of their being tiny and helpless, I would take care of a baby without coercion. Their evolutionary talent of being cute is kind of unnecessary - at least they don't need to be as adorable as they are in order to survive! So I am glad that God or whatever gives us life sees fit to make babies totally irresistible. Sure, it may make it impossible to be productive when there's a baby in the room discovering his feet, but it certainly brings joy to my life!

The Library

2011-06-06T21:38:00.002-04:00

I am grateful for our lovely library system. I can check out scores of books, and even order books online and have them put on a shelf for me to pick up at my nearest branch. All this and I don't have to pay them!

McDonald's

2011-05-27T14:06:00.002-04:00

That's right, I'm grateful for McDonald's! I know, they're a soulless corporation and I shouldn't support them, but as fast-food chains go they are actually okay. Most of their coffee is fair trade, for instance! And I can't help it, I love the food. More than anything, I love what McDonald's represents: the availability of cheap food in America. Sheer amount of food is clearly not a problem here in the U.S., as there is always a soup kitchen or food bank or, at the least, vegetation growing freely. Poverty is now linked with obesity because food is so cheap, especially low-quality food. In North Korea, starving people can't even find herbs or roots in the forest because 1) it's illegal and 2) the woods are already stripped bare from previous foragers.

I am so thankful that I can just drive around the corner and order 20 chicken nuggets and four small fries for only $5.99!

Sunshine and Weather

2011-05-25T22:36:00.002-04:00

Today I am grateful that we have beautiful clouds with sunshine streaming through them. There are many appreciations wrapped up into this: I'm grateful that I am able to go outside and not confined to the indoors; I'm glad that I live in Columbus where we get much more sun than Toledo, and I'm happy that the pollution hasn't blocked out the sun (yet).

I know I am remiss in posting every day, but I'll catch up! Mostly the problem is uploading photos - I've been taking one each day but don't want to ruin my SD cards by uploading each time I have two photos on the card.

Security

2011-05-17T00:52:00.002-04:00

It's past midnight, so let's call this the second day of my grateful project.

I am so thankful for my security. Obviously, the hotel chain on my apartment door isn't literally a very good security system, but it represents how I feel inside my home. Columbus is a pretty safe city, and I don't generally feel threatened when I'm out and about, but as a woman I always feel a bit in danger. Sometimes I get really feminista and rant about the injustice of worrying about rape and not being able to go out alone simply because I am female. But compared to most women in the world, I am living in a bubble. And when I lock the door at night, I feel confident that no one will hurt me. This is especially true because I am living with someone who is safe. From teaching kids, I know that not every person (and especially not every child) gets to relax at night and know that they are safe. I'm so glad that I have a mini fortress of solitude.

365 Grateful

2011-05-16T17:51:00.002-04:00

My New Years' resolution to take a photo every day didn't work out so well, mainly because I couldn't find the motivation to go out and find a great shot each day. When I saw an article about the "365 Grateful" project, though, I was inspired to do the same thing. So it begins again!

Each day, I'll be posting a photo of something that I appreciate. Today's image is a shot of my pantry shelf, stocked with various foods. It should come as no surprise to most of you that I am grateful for food, because I've been reading way too much about people who are starving around the world. I may complain on occasion that "there's nothing to eat" in my apartment, but what I really mean is there's nothing delicious to eat. I can't imagine what it would be like to scavenge for tree bark just to quell the hunger pains. So today, I am incredibly grateful that I have never suffered from malnourishment. I am grateful for my proximity to grocery stores stocked to the gills with food items, and I am thankful that I have never gone to the store to find only empty shelves due to a famine or war.

Map Language Blanket

2011-05-08T13:35:00.005-04:00

After hours of knitting, planning, charting, and graphing, I completed a knit blanket linguistic map of the world. Each color represents a different language family! The dark green that dominates the map is Indo-European, which includes Russian, Spanish, English, French, and many others. The black-and-white striped yarn represents "no language," meaning the area is too sparsely populated to classify.

On the back lining of the blanket, I created a map key and embroidered the names of each language family. I will gift this blanket to whoever can find my mistake! : )

It didn't turn out as perfectly as I'd hoped, and the hours that went into it are certainly not worth the end result, but hey, it gave me something to do while I watched TV.

I'd like to introduce you to a budding young novelist...

2011-04-28T11:54:00.012-04:00

"Eyeball or Something" by Owen (age 3)*

*words and pictures by Owen, who dictated the text to his preschool teacher so it could be written legibly.

"A long time ago, there was a tower and a leaf..."

"And a whole lot of houses..."

"And a rotate."

[Me: What's a rotate?
Owen: This. (pointing to the circle with lines on page 3)]

"One two three, six seven eight...

An hourglass was spilling water onto the floor."

"When spooky eyeballs...!"

"...went to their houses. Two eyeballs, two houses.

Four five,
nine zero."

"A storm came along and washed the eyeballs away!

...

(pointing to the right page) This is a blank page."

"And then the snowman fell down."

"A balloon floated up into outer space."

"The End!"

What I've Learned in AmeriCorps

2011-04-11T14:11:00.001-04:00

As many of you may know, I have quit my job with AmeriCorps. This was due mainly to the outrageously poor management and supervision of our host organization, to the point that my teaching partner and I feared for the safety of the kids we were serving. When it became clear that our supervisors weren't putting the kids as their top priority, we both quit. So far, four AmeriCorps members have left the program, and several more are debating whether it is even worthwhile to stay four more months.

Anyway, the partial service year was not a total loss. I learned a few valuable things:

1. Just because I don't agree with someone's lifestyle doesn't mean we can't be friends.
Obviously, I am not referring to sexual orientation "lifestyle," but rather the way that people spend their free time. It may not be my cup of tea to go out drinking and hooking up on the weekends, but I can be friends with people who do. During my service, I met several coworkers who are very different from me, but still turned out to be great friends when the time came.

2. Service is hard, and you need breaks.
This was not one of the reasons I left, but serving kids in vulnerable situations is hard. I had to make several referrals to Children's Services, and it was heartbreaking to know that was the most I could do for these kids. Since my position was part-time, I was able to prevent burn-out in this area. If I ever choose to serve with another nonprofit full-time, I will definitely need to schedule vacations.

3. Adults are bullies.
My job was to teach kids how to deal with bullying, and they were usually very receptive to our lessons. We definitely had some conflict, but when confronted with that fact that they were bullying another student, each kid would pause and think about their actions for a moment. Not so for adults. If told that they were behaving inappropriately, adults would just get defensive and bully even harder.

4. Kids are way smarter than us.
I always knew this, but I learned even more as I dealt with over 100 kids each week. They might not be able to help with your taxes, but when it comes to friendship, kids get it. Next time you hurt your spouse's feelings, ask a kid how to fix it. Likely they will suggest that you give them a hug or draw them a picture that says "I love you." Yep, it works!

5. There is always a breaking point.
The reason I quit was because the adult drama within our organization was consuming my thoughts 24/7. Instead of going for a peaceful walk in the park after work, I was venting to someone about how absurd the system was. I couldn't read a book without my mind drifting back to the day's conflict, trying to understand why an adult would resort to screaming and name-calling when we have all the power. There's a point where it is just not worth it. I can volunteer with kids through another organization; I don't have to endure the hypocrisy and corruption of the adults who are paid to supervise me.

Best job ever

2011-03-29T13:53:00.002-04:00

Though I often get frustrated with coworkers and/or supervisors when they don't seem to have the kids' best interests at heart, I am very rarely frustrated with the kids themselves. They are the best part of my job. The photo is of something that two sisters at the Family Center made for me, totally unprompted. I nearly cried when I saw them making these construction paper hearts!

One of the things that makes my job seem very difficult is how little time I actually get to spend with the kids. Since my program requires me to be at a different site nearly every day, I see most of these kids once a week. The students at the Family Center move in and out so often that I sometimes only meet a kid twice before they are gone forever. Even if I could be with them every day, I'd still have to send certain children home to abusive/neglectful parents, and that is heartwrenching.

So, I'm thinking about becoming a foster parent once I have a stable income. I think I would really enjoy being able to spend a lot of one-on-one time with a child who needs a caring adult in their lives. The limitations of my current position mean that I can't give a dirty kid a bath, or braid their hair all pretty to make them feel special, or even give a good long hug if they seem to need it. As a foster parent, I'd feel like I could really make a difference in an individual's life.

And no, I'm not fooling myself into thinking it would be easy. Since I'm so young, I'd start off only taking placements of toddlers and infants, and I know it would be awful to give them back to their parents. But at least Children's Services makes an effort to ensure that the biological parents are better off than before the child was placed in foster care, so I'd know that they were relatively safe.

Any thoughts on this idea? Know anyone who has been through the foster system (either as a child or a parent) and has some advice?

Why Kids Are Smarter Than Adults

2011-03-08T11:07:00.002-05:00

One of the kids at my Monday site is dealing with a lot of bullying, both in school and during the after-school care program. He has Asperger's, so it is difficult for him to understand why kids are picking on him specifically. One child in particular likes to shout "Raise your hand if you want [child with Asperger's] to die!" and then raises his hand. Sometimes other kids will join in, mostly just because they copy people raising their hands, rather than because they agree with the statement.

Anyway, these bullying tactics are very hurtful to my friend, and he was talking to me about how it's hard not to have friends his own age. I said, "You are a wonderful kid, and you don't deserve to be treated that way."

He looked at me in astonishment and said, "No one deserves that."

And he was right. Even the bully wouldn't deserve to hear other kids saying they wished he would die. No kid should have to listen to that. So, as usual, a 7-year-old taught me a life lesson. Then we pretended to be robots.

Knitting!

2011-02-23T23:46:00.002-05:00

Of course, I was knitting the blanket for warmth, not taste, but hey it's Jackson's present!
I used the King Charles Brocade stitch pattern, repeatedly endlessly for the entire blanket. It was a very tedious pattern, and although it came out very elegant, I don't feel like the baby is appreciating the subtle diamond weave texture I produced : ) Cathy, I promise that is the last blanket I will knit for awhile - I know you are probably getting tired of having all these around the house!

Spring is on its way!

2011-02-23T12:14:00.002-05:00

Below is a photo I took at my parents' apartment complex in Toledo. It may still be chilly, but the clouds are breaking up and I can finally see the sun most days!

Still waiting on grad school funding information, as well as the final decision on whether I will get a credit toward my Habitat for Humanity trip to Portugal. No matter what, I'm excited for the future.

In other news: AmeriCorps might be cut from the federal budget next year. While I agree it's not the most economically efficient program, it is still really valuable. AmeriCorps gives each generation of college students the opportunity to serve with a nonprofit organization, where they can experience in service that they can then take with them to their (presumably) for-profit careers. It's a great way to inject a little humanitarianism into the workforce, so tell your Senators that AmeriCorps should stay. I don't mind if they prune it back a bit, but cutting it entirely will not be a good move.

On Volunteering

2011-01-31T00:00:00.002-05:00

I've had a few good stories to tell from my recent weeks of teaching! Friday was one of the kids' birthdays at the Family Center (the homeless shelter where I teach twice a week), and her mom was really concerned that she wouldn't be able to have a good birthday because they were living at the shelter. Well, one of the parents at the girl's school found out about their situation and provided the obligatory cupcakes and balloons for her school party, in fact the exact same cupcakes the girl's mom had seen and wished she could buy! So her birthday at school was still fun and she didn't have to stick out as the only kid who didn't bring a treat for her birthday.

In the afternoon at the Family Center, we planned a "surprise party" for her, and had a teacher take her out into the hall for a talk while the rest of us hid and hung up a few streamers. It wasn't a big deal really, but when every kid jumped out and yelled "SURPRISE!" for her, she smiled so much that her face looked sore! For a half hour, the kids ate cake and sang along to the CD my boss had put in - a cheesy set of kids' songs that normally would have disgusted these oh-so-cool elementary students, but that day they were all singing along to "If You're Happy and You Know It." The girl's brother, especially, was enthusiastic about singing, and usually he just sits in a corner and glares at everyone. Seeing him be such a kid warmed my heart!

After the party, the birthday girl's mom told us how much she appreciated that her daughter's special day was a good one, despite their family's circumstances. She then revealed that the girl was less than 3 pounds at birth, and the doctors had said she wouldn't live to see the birthday that we celebrated. Doctors had even predicted that, in the off-chance she did survive that many years, she would be so severely disabled as to not really function. Well, this girl does have some developmental delays, but she is educated in a mainstream school and plays just like any of the other kids! I was so happy that we teachers got to be a part of her important milestone.

Even though my service is sometimes trying, it's still what I'd most like to be doing each day. I really think everybody should volunteer, not because it makes you a good person or anything like that, but because it will make you happy! People have this conception that "service" or "volunteer work" has to suck, like digging ditches or ladling soup to creepy old men. Hey, if that's what you like to do, then go for it, but personally I just like playing games with kids and taking photos for Habitat for Humanity. The practice I get as a volunteer photographer is worth more than any benefit the organization gets from my photos, so it doesn't really feel like I'm doing anything selfless.

So, my advice is - think about what you love, then volunteer to do it! I love photography, and I've found many opportunities to do my hobby in a way that can help nonprofit organizations. If you love numbers and the challenge of budgeting, volunteer to teach one of the money management classes offered to the low-income community! If you love cuddling kittens, go cuddle them at a no-kill animal shelter and help socialize abandoned kittens for their future owners. If you love babies, be a foster parent and say you can only keep infants. If you loved the excitement of applying to college, mentor a kid who is the first in their family to apply to a university. Service doesn't have to suck!

If you're still confused about how to volunteer AND have fun doing it, leave a comment for me and I bet I can hook you up with a fun opportunity that fits your interests.

Children & Hope

2011-01-13T11:51:00.005-05:00

So, the other day my mom called to tell me about a new study of hopefulness around the world, and she was surprised that "developed" countries like France and the UK had very little hope, while the most hopeful country was Nigeria. I theorized that the reason for this was, in part, that Nigeria has a lot of children, and thanks to recent sanitation and health developments, these children don't die very often. On the flip side, wealthier countries have been declining in fertility for decades, so those societies don't have a lot of kids anymore. The USA is right in the middle, since immigration and fertility of recent immigrants has kept our reproduction just above replacement.

To prove my theory, I got my hands on the "Net Hope Score" for each of the 53 countries studied in the Gallup poll my mother read, and plotted that data against the percent of each country's population under the age of 14. As you can see in the chart above, there is a clear correlation between young people and the Net Hope Score, seeming to prove that having children around allows people to believe that their lives are getting better.

Of course, the correlation isn't perfect, because things like war, government upheavals, and cultural ideas about hope can affect the responses as well. For example, China was in the top ten most hopeful countries, even though their population of young people is about average. While China is moving ahead economically, it makes sense that the Chinese people would feel hopeful about their financial futures, as well as the power their government is gaining on the world stage. France, on the other hand, was the absolute least hopeful country, though they didn't have the absolute lowest percentage of children. I hypothesize that this is because the French are jerks : )

BFFs

2011-01-12T13:22:00.002-05:00

The other day at the Family Center, a 9-year-old girl taps my arm and starts out "Um, Ms. Valarie, will you be...oh never mind!" and returns to her seat. I try to get her to tell me what she wanted, but she's acting all embarrassed.

Ten minutes later, she taps my arm again. "Ms. Valarie? Will you be my BFF?"
Obviously, I accepted! Kids are awesome.

It's hard to work with kids who often disappear just as I start to get to know them, so I'm going through the paperwork to be matched as a mentor with Franklin County Children's Services' "College Bound" program. I'll be helping a kid who is aging out of the foster care system to apply to college. It should be a fun experience!

Work Stories and New Pursuits

2011-01-10T22:26:00.002-05:00

The picture to the left is a painting I made for the kids at the Family Center, to remind them about the consequences of bullying. Obviously, I'm still teaching about how to deal with bullies, and a lot of my time is spent doing other things with the kids. The living stipend is a bit of a crunch, mostly because Jennifer and I are planning to fly down to Florida to visit her mom sometime soon, so I'm trying to earn a little extra cash. In addition to selling photography and submitting to publishers, I'm working as an "expediter" for ChaCha, one of those answer services where you can text any question and have it answered almost immediately. The pay is poor when you think of the hourly wage, but it's actually pretty fun! Sometimes I am giving advice to teenage girls about how to get over their ex-boyfriends, sometimes answering questions I also wanted to know, and of course the occasional weird sex inquiry. But each time I log on to ChaCha, I'm pretty much guaranteed a laugh, and I can completely set my own hours. I'd definitely recommend it for stay-at-home moms, students, and anyone else who has more time than money.

Most of my stories from work lately have been depressing, which is why I haven't posted, but I gotta say, dealing with kids who have no one to care for them makes me so much more appreciative for the kids who do have that. There have been a few times at a mall where I've wanted to go up to a parent and thank them for loving their child, because seeing an adult listening to and caring for a child makes my heart happy.

In my diminishing spare time, I've started a new ceramics class at the local community center, which is solely devoted to creating dishes for the Empty Bowls project I discussed in an earlier post. See, charity work can be nothing but fun!

Answer

2010-11-29T20:28:00.002-05:00

The post below was a photo of Fayez Banihammad, one of the 9/11 hijackers. He is from the United Arab Emirates and was in the U.S. on a tourist visa.

I posted this because I find the discrimination against Arab Americans after 9/11 to be very curious. Most people can't correctly identify a person of Middle Eastern descent, so what sense does it make to discriminate? Hate crimes in retaliation for the terrorist attacks have been committed against South Asians and Hispanics, simply because they are mistaken for Middle Eastern (not that it's excusable to harm people of any descent, but when it's a case of mistaken identity it gets even more ridiculous).

Racial profiling becomes equally ridiculous when TSA officials attempt to identify people's race. It's one thing to profile based on the country of someone's passport, or the way they behave in the airport, but men with beards are more and more likely to be pulled aside for extra screening, regardless of nationality. Any physical aspect that is reminiscent of an Arab-American is a liability nowadays, even though it's usually not possible to tell who is "Arab" and who isn't. The term is like "Hispanic" - it describes a diverse group of people who come from the same region of the world, but have vastly different cultures and ethnic divisions.

Just some food for thought! No one correctly identified the man's nation of origin, and no one did in my college research project either. Maybe it's not so easy to label people by ethnicity : )

I'll do another tomorrow.

Racial Identification

2010-11-29T11:57:00.002-05:00

For the next few days I want you all to play a game with me. It was inspired by a research project I did in college, which was intended to question the idea of visual race identification. Can we really tell someone's ethnic background just by looking at them? Does a stranger's identification have any relationship to the selected individual's self-identification? Is "race" even a real thing?

So, please submit your guesses as to the race/ethnicity of the man in the picture. Don't worry about sounding racist; I'm the one asking you to do this! I'll need five guesses before I reveal the identity of the individual in the photograph. Google=cheating!

Races Against Races

2010-11-23T22:02:00.003-05:00

The title of this post is what most of the kids call my program, "Race Against Racism." The play on words of the curriculum is really lost on primary schoolers!

Other fun stories from my teaching have come from the one-on-one time I get to spend with the kids after the lesson. A kindergarten recently informed me that "People with brown skin look like monsters." I tried to explain how silly such a statement was, especially since she was in a room with about a dozen "brown-skinned" people, but she would have none of it!

We have been looking through a book called 6 Billion Others; photographs of people from around the world. A couple African-American girls were looking at the photos with me, and every time they saw a pretty woman, they'd announce "I bet she's from England!" (usually they weren't). Sad that they have this image of English people being the only pretty people - and inaccurate too :)

On a sadder note, the Family Center (homeless shelter) is still in overflow, and a few new kids came to Kids' Club this week. I can't imagine becoming homeless the week of Thanksgiving. Please keep these kids in your thoughts on Thursday.

IU Dance Marathon

2010-11-16T11:32:00.002-05:00

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to photograph Indiana University's Dance Marathon.

For those of you who have never heard of the program, universities all over the country raise money for their local Children's Miracle Network hospitals by soliciting donations and holding events throughout the year, and celebrating that fundraising with a Dance Marathon. IU's lasts for 36 hours, and dancers aren't allowed to sit down because they are trying to experience just some of the exhaustion that families of very sick children have to endure. The marathon is punctuated by stories from these families, most of whom come onstage to share. This is hands-down my favorite part, and unfortunately many of my photos are out of focus because the tears in my eyes made it impossible to adjust the lens!

The photo above is actually from the kids' talent show, where any child who is well enough to participate is allowed to demonstrate their talents. Some of the youngest children were overwhelmed when they got up onstage and faced about a thousand college students, but I was still amazed by how brave they were! The hospital families had a tent set up where they could eat and talk away from crowds, and IU students were constantly coming over to play with the kids. While sharing the story of his two developmentally disabled children, a father expressed how he has no worry when his kids are gone from the tent for an hour at a time, because he absolutely trusts every dancer at the marathon. It was wonderful to see young adults focused on something other than themselves.

The other parents' stories reinforced my belief that kids are just naturally more awesome : ) One father described his daughter's extremely painful chemotherapy, and how helpless he felt to be unable to help her. His second-grade daughter squeezed his fingers until they turned blue, despite her morphine drip. When a nurse came in to ask if the little girl would like to do a project, her dad nearly shouted at the woman that his daughter was in pain and obviously not in the mood to do crafts. But the little girl opened her eyes and asked what the activity was, then spent the next twenty minutes focused exclusively on decorating a purse. The dad really affected me when he noted, "She didn't learn that in nursing school." While adults simply suffer in silence or lash out at anyone who dismisses their pain, kids know - decorating a purse really can help to distract you!

Though I had originally driven to Indiana to cover a magazine article that fell through, I am glad that I was able to see the Dance Marathon that was so important in my older brother's life. It is just one of the many great ways to help out your community, so if you are an energetic, caring person, I'd suggest finding one in your city!

Empty Bowls

2010-11-05T13:46:00.002-04:00

Pictured is a bowl I made and donated to the Empty Bowls project, a fundraiser that benefits the local food bank. Each site made dozens of ceramic bowls, and in November you can buy a bowl for $10 to fill with soup and bread at the annual event.

Genetic Ancestry and Sunsets

2010-11-04T10:44:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, the sunset was so incredibly beautiful that I just had to take a photo. Of course, it's not a great shot because I just pulled over to the side of the highway and snapped it on my way home. I should probably start practicing the pure appreciation of beauty, rather than the immediate need to possess it as an image. The Japanese have a term, wabi sabi, for the concept that beauty's impermanence is what makes it so wonderful. Yet another reason that I should move to Japan!

Speaking of other countries, this week I've been discussing cultural backgrounds with the kids I teach. As I emphasize the importance of their "roots," it started to make me think more about my own connection with my ancestors. Part of our family history is well-documented, but a lot is still a big mystery. So, for a Christmas present to myself, I am sending my DNA to a lab to be tested for genetic ancestry! Unfortunately, they only test mitochondrial DNA for women, meaning I will get my mother's mother's mother's (etc.) ancestry. This still leaves out a big part of my genetic pool, but it will be interesting to say the least. I'm chalking the expense up to "research" : )

Racism and Nonprofit Work

2010-10-30T17:34:00.002-04:00

This morning I got up before sunrise to scrape the frost off my car (really?!) and take photos of the opening ceremonies for two Habitat for Humanity homes. As always, it was a fun experience, and after a quick nap when I got back, I went right to editing my photos. Then I noticed that my camera is racist! I'm teasing, of course, because it's not a conscious entity, but darker-skinned people are never exposed properly in Automatic mode. My camera sets the light meter for the fair-skinned people in the photo, leaving the darker-skinned almost completely shadowed. When I switch to manual and expose properly for dark skin, the fair-skinned people still show up fine, so it's not as if the exposures are mutually exclusive. I honestly think the camera does not recognize dark skin as being an important part of the photo.

For once, this isn't the result of European-American racism. Presumably, since my Nikon was designed in Asia, the developers created light metering that would properly expose the faces of those around them. Asians have fairer skin, so it makes sense that the designers just didn't think about the possibility of other races being present in the photos. I'm not saying it was conscious racism on the part of Nikon, but it's just another example of people forgetting about the diversity of the world. That's why I love what I do - it reminds me that everybody is different!

I really think that the lack of interaction between people from different cultures is the main reason that racism still exists. I listen to 107.5 in Columbus a lot because I enjoy the music, and apparently it is a radio station marketed toward African-Americans. When my roommate first asked why I was listening to "black radio," I argued that it's just an R&B and hip-hop station, but after sitting through a few of the talk radio segments, I've admitted that they definitely have a targeted audience.

Anyway, I was listening to the hosts discuss crime problems in the African-American community, and someone called in to comment on the motivations of the state to maintain its criminal justice system. She had a lot of really good points, but she happened to yell all of them. It made me realize that one of the (many) disconnects between cultures is this method of speech. Most European-Americans listening to her would dismiss the monologue as a crazy rant, because that is the tone they would use to rant crazily. But for many African-Americans, that is just a normal intense or excited tone of voice. This makes it hard for the two groups to listen to each other without bias. Perhaps because I come from a culture of "outside voices" also, that is why I feel more comfortable with diverse groups of people. On the other hand, I tend to frighten recent immigrants because of the loud voice! You win some, you lose some.

I hope this post wasn't too dry for you. I was actually thinking of posting next about budgeting, since someone was asking how I am able to live on less than $10,000 a year, but please comment if that would just be too much boring for one weekend.

Family Selection Committee

2010-10-21T23:25:00.002-04:00

Tonight I attended my first meeting of the Family Selection Committee for Habitat for Humanity. We vote on which applications to approve for families to get houses, and sign up to visit current homes to determine if their housing is substandard. I was by far the youngest person in attendance, but they were really welcoming and good-natured about the whole process. The committee members actually made two hours of discussing families' personal finances and "need for shelter" fun!

I'm hopeful that attending these meetings will help me to get a better idea of what makes a nonprofit work. The YWCA Family Center is a unique nonprofit and that, as a homeless shelter, we really have no way of recouping our expenses, so we rely entirely on donations. This means that most of the employees do not have social work degrees, many are AmeriCorps members (which means we have no experience), and those who are paid are mostly hourly, not salaried. The budget issues make it extra hard for things to run smoothly.

Habitat, on the other hand, actually collects mortgages on their homes. What makes them different from banks is that the mortgage loans are zero interest, and we work a lot more with families if they fall behind, so foreclosure really only happens when they refuse to cooperate or communicate at all. The ReStore also provides enough income to build one house a year, and the all-volunteer labor force makes them a lot more affordable. Seeing both organizations up close is teaching me a lot about the nonprofit world!

On a different note, has anyone else noticed how beautiful is outside? Every time I drive to my school sites, I'm sure I'm a hazard on the road, because I just can't stop looking at the trees. It's as if someone tossed bright paints on to the branches of trees, and the leaves literally glow at sunset. Has autumn always been this beautiful? Ever since I got properly medicated and can stay awake/standing with ease, I notice a lot more beauty in the world. Before, I was so focused on just trudging through my day, that I honestly don't remember any season being as wonderful as all the seasons this year have been.

The Family Center

2010-10-19T20:45:00.002-04:00

This week has already aged me about a year! Yesterday I had to call Franklin County Children's Services regarding one of the kids at my suburban sites, and I fear I might have to call again this week about a child at the Family Center. Have you ever seen a 5-year-old with metal teeth? (That's not why I'm calling, obviously, it's just crazy)

Still, I love what I'm doing. I'm applying for graduate school, but sometimes I'd almost rather get a job with the YWCA full-time. The kids are great, and every day I feel like I helped a little bit to improve their self-esteem. On Monday, they were watching Finding Nemo but one of the kindergarteners became too scared, so I took her aside to read Dr. Seuss. Within five minutes, all the kids had migrated away from the TV and gathered around to listen to Green Eggs and Ham. Score one for books!

The photo at the beginning of this post is of Tokyo. One of the kids at the Family Center really wanted a copy of it, so I printed out a couple images and wrote on the back that when she graduates college, she can teach English in Japan for a year. Of course, like most of the kids I work with, I don't know where she is now. The Family Center is only a temporary shelter, so the families move out once a spot at the Salvation Army shelter opens up. It's really hard to develop a trusting relationship with these kids, only to have them disappear after a week or two.

When I'm not teaching, I'm working on other ways to just generally be a better person. Part of that is taking better care of the Earth. Of course, I recycle as best I can, but after watching the documentary No Impact Man, I got more ideas for how to be more eco-friendly. I now wash my "delicate" clothing in the bathtub, which saves water and energy, and $1.25 for me! It's physically intense but I figure it can count as my exercise : ) Plus I don't have to walk down to the basement and worry about getting my laundry before somebody else does.

I think I'll try to include one of these "better person" projects in each of my posts. Maybe it will inspire some of you to do these things too! Even little changes make a big difference when lots of people participate.

Working

2010-10-14T11:42:00.002-04:00

To the left is a photo of the two baby hats I knitted for Save the Children. The pattern is easy and quick to do, and there's nothing better to work on while watching NBC Thursdays : ) I get to laugh at Tina Fey's witty jokes while simultaneously creating something that will keep a low birth weight baby warm!

Teaching kids as an AmeriCorps member has been interesting. My most recent session with the kids at the Family Center was the best yet, with about 75% of the kids actively participating! Once they were excused for free play, I had to break up a game of about twenty boys playing "Smear the Queer." I can't believe that kids still say that! Though of course, most of them didn't realize what the title implied. So we changed it to "Crush the Carrier" - a much more accurate description.

Today I have the day off because Gahanna is not in school, and I'm not gonna lie, I've been playing the Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker game. Sometimes the stuff I hear at my program gets me really down, and distractions help. Then I'm off to see Jennifer at her Regional flight team competition!

I'm really going to start updating again!

2010-10-03T14:22:00.002-04:00

Since I only serve in AmeriCorps part-time right now, I've been trying to fill the rest of my hours with extreme productivity. One of my self-appointed tasks is to find an agent or publisher for some of my writing. My dream is to make enough money, on my own time, to fund frequent volunteer trips for the rest of my life.

Another hobby I've picked up is knitting, because it's something I can do while watching TV. I simply can't justify sitting for even half an hour and getting nothing done! Pictured here is the planner cover I knitted for Carly, because she was worried that her planner would get banged up in her purse. I was pretty excited that I made something without a pattern!

For any of you who love knitting, I'd recommend knitting baby hats and blankets for charity. There is nothing better than knowing that, while I watched an episode of Glee, I created something that will keep a baby warm : )

As for the career news - AmeriCorps is going pretty well. For those of you who don't know, I am currently serving a year with the YWCA's "Race Against Racism" program. It's basically an anti-bullying, diversity-awareness program that I teach to kids in after school programs. Three days a week, I teach in the Gahanna school district, and twice a week I teach the program at the Family Center (YWCA's homeless shelter). The Family Center is by far my biggest challenge, partly because the age group there is skewing older right now, and partly because the kids' situations create a lot of distractions. Pretty much every day, someone is sobbing or threatening to run away, which makes it hard to keep the other kids focused on my curriculum.

The other day, though, we did a project about names. Some of the kids actually seemed happy to participate (a first!), and when we started the discussion on "put-downs" I felt like I actually connected with them a little bit. I asked, "What happens when you use a put-down?" and one of the older girls raised her hand and said, "Because maybe the person you're teasing is very sensitive, and if you keep saying mean things to them, day after day, they might do...you know, suicide."

The word "suicide" seemed to catch everyone's attention for a brief moment. I took the opportunity to say, "L --- brings up a really good point. You never know if the person you're teasing is very sensitive, or has something really bad going on at home, so you need to pay attention to how your words make them feel."

For once, I actually saw them nod in agreement! Of course, two minutes later we had degenerated into running around and laughing instead of listening, but whatever. For a moment there, they were all looking seriously at me, and I could tell that what I said was sinking in. It was a good day!

An Amazing Experience

2010-08-04T19:45:00.002-04:00

So, I frequently take the kids I babysit to the local rec center, which has a Ping-Pong table and air hockey and foosball. They seem to love it, and it's an air conditioned place to get out a little energy in the summer. There's usually an older African-American man hanging out there playing pool, and he's always polite but dressed really crummy. I assumed he was unemployed because he's hanging out there during the day and always wearing the same stained shirt. You have probably guessed already that I was totally wrong!

Most days, this gentleman is not especially coherent. He mumbles a lot to himself, and when he speaks to us, I'm never sure how he expects me to respond. Today there was no one else at the rec center, so I guess he felt more comfortable being friendly, and he started asking the kids questions about school. They really enjoyed how impressed he was by their math skills! : ) He then asked me what high school I went to (sigh) and was doubtful when I said that I had already graduated college. When I said that I majored in World Literatures, he asked if I had read The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky, and I expressed surprise that he knew that name off the top of his head.

He then proceeds to recommend all these books that have long been on my to-read list, by authors like Doris Lessing and other Nobel Prize winners. I couldn't believe that he had the names all readily accessible in his memory like that!

He asks me if I'd like to hear a story. I say, sure. He says, "You choose - a story about white people, a story about black people, or a story about what it means to be a human being." Of course, I choose the last option, but I end up hearing all three eventually. And here they are, as close to the way he told them as I can recall:

"What It Means to Be a Human Being"

The angels in Heaven were arguing about Man. They said, "How can God hold Man in such high esteem? We live here in Heaven, while they live on Earth. They need to eat, and we do not. They need to sleep, and we do not. They live in darkness, while we live in the perfect light of our eternal God. So why does God seem to love them more?"

So God came to the angels and said, "If you don't understand why I love Man, then go down to the Earth and see for yourself." One angel volunteered and was sent down as a human. He met a woman and they began to talk about all the important things in the world. They became friends. They became lovers. They had children. The angel experienced all the ups and downs of life. He experienced grief, and love, and joy, and passion. And he died.

When he returned to Heaven the other angels asked him to tell them all about his time on Earth. While he was describing the intense emotions and difficulties of being a human, God returned to the angels and said, "You have seen that Man is consumed with joy, grief, love, hunger, and all the other difficulties of being human. Yet he still finds time for me. And you wonder why I love Man?"

"A Story About White People"

In the ancient city of Carthage, the Romans came to declare war. The people of Carthage lost battle after battle, and finally the turned to the hero Regulus, and told him to go to Rome and negotiate peace. They said, "If you are successful, live out your life in Rome with your wife and children. But if you are unsuccessful, we want you to return here to Carthage, and we will kill you and torture you."

So Regulus traveled with his family to Rome. He walked through the streets and was greeted by the Roman men and women, who never mentioned his defeat and did not look down on him. Regulus visited the Roman emperor and spoke with him about granting peace to Carthage. The emperor denied his request, so Regulus spent a week with his family, touring Rome and making friends everywhere he went. After the week was up, Regulus returned to the Roman emperor to make one last attempt at negotiations. Though the emperor admired Regulus, he could not declare peace with Carthage. So Regulus returned home.

The leaders of Carthage saw him and knew that he had failed. They said, "We are glad to see what your word means, Regulus. And now we will show you what our word means." They tortured him. They made him endure excruciating pain. They killed him.

When the people of Rome heard that Regulus had died, they mourned for the injustice. The women shaved their heads and joined the men in battle. They invaded Carthage and fought the last battle, and the city of Carthage fell. When the dust had settled, they tried to think of a way to honor their admired Regulus. Night fell and they looked up at the stars. The big dipper shone brightly, its handle pointing to the North Star, Polaris. In the opposite direction was the constellation of a lion - Leo. A bright star at its center was thus named Regulus, the heart of a lion.

"A Story About Black People"

Long ago, before Daoud [David] was on the throne, before Isa [Moses] parted the Red Sea, before any written history that we know, a man left his village in Africa. For seven days he walked east, when he came upon a mangy dog. The dog was panting with thirst from the heat of the desert, and his rib cage stuck out painfully. His fur was coming away in patches. The man felt sorry for him, so for the next twenty-one days they walked together, sharing what little food and water they found.

They came upon a stranger, who asked where they were headed. "I am a traveler," said the man. "In what direction are you traveling?" asked the stranger. The man replied, "To the East."

The stranger revealed himself to be an angel and said, "You are no longer traveling East. You have crossed into another realm. Your path will now lead to either Heaven or Hell. All you have to do to get to Heaven is kill that dog."

The man was horrified. "This dog is my friend. We have traveled together for weeks. Nothing is worth the price of a friendship. I don't kill friends!"

The angel smiled. "You have passed the test. Now come to Heaven."

A set of golden gates opened onto the most beautiful world the man has ever seen. Bright white light and a lovely feeling of peace embraced the man. He asked the angel, "Where is my grandmother? Where are the people of my village who have passed before me?"

The angel said sadly, "They didn't make it. They went to the other place."

The man thought for a moment, then declared "Take me to the other place. I belong with the people of my village and my family. If they are not here, then I am in the wrong place."

So the angel took him down to Hell, but stopped short of the gates. "This is a path you must take alone." The man steeled himself and entered the hellfire, the unbearable heat, the searing pain. But for a moment, the cool breath of Heaven that still clung to his skin brought relief to all the residents of Hell.

Okay, I'm not going to pretend that I completely understand the stories, but the point is this man told them completely extemporaneously, with even more detail than I was able to capture. I asked what he did for a living, thinking maybe he was just a professor who liked to be super-casual in his downtime. He replied that he is a construction worker.

And so the moral is, don't judge a book by its cover! : )

New Crafts

2010-04-13T18:04:00.002-04:00

Psychologists say that your general level of happiness doesn't change over time, just has little blips of down moments and happy moments.

Well, I disagree. Since I became an adult and gained power over my own life, I have been exponentially happier. And since I graduated from college and gained free time, even happier! Now that I am being treated for the chronic problem that was zapping my energy and causing me to pass out at the slightest provocation, I am incredibly happier and able to do all the things I didn't even have the energy to think about before.

Exhibit A: I decided to learn how to sew, since store-bought clothes never fit right and are too expensive. Plus I want to have something productive to do while I watch TV.

First up was a skirt because it looked the easiest.

Next project will be a skirt also, because I neglected to allow extra material for my hips and can barely get the waist of the skirt over my upper body. Once it's on it fits fine, though. And there is even a lining!

The angle of the first photo made the skirt look much longer than it really is, so here's a shot of the hemline to show that it hits right at the knee:

Tomorrow I am going to take advantage of the sale at JoAnn's Fabrics and get even prettier material for my second try!

More Photos!

2010-02-05T12:53:00.002-05:00

Well, at least I have a few more photos. Very behind my resolution with all the chaos of scheduling a trip to Mongolia with Habitat for Humanity. Plus, the cold and snow are always good excuses to procrastinate : )

Blizzard!

Trees at sunset on High Street.

Beautiful clouds. Can anyone identify them?

Yet another photo of the moon.

Behind

2010-01-28T18:58:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm officially 11 days behind in my photo-a-day project. Of course this would happen! I vow to catch up over the weekend.

Continuing the Resolution

2010-01-17T22:46:00.002-05:00

I keep falling behind on my resolution to take one photo a day, and end up taking a half-hearted snapshot just to fulfill my obligation. Not okay!

January 11th:

Behind the Whetstone Library, Columbus, Ohio.

January 12th:

Icicles in Columbus, Ohio.

January 13th:

Precarious icicles hanging from an air conditioner in our apartment complex, Columbus, Ohio.

January 14th:

The reflection of a tree at sunset in the windows of the nearby deaf school, Columbus, Ohio.

January 15th:

Close-up shot of the flower Jennifer created at a glass-blowing workshop.

January 16th:

Close-up on Jennifer's eye!

January 17th:

Abstract of rain at night.

More Daily Photos

2010-01-12T07:29:00.002-05:00

January 4th:

My dear Nikon, about to be sold on eBay.

January 5th:

A woman walking in the cold as I drive by. Columbus, Ohio.

January 6th:

This past year, my hair has been more important than I ever thought it could be. It started falling out about a year ago, a symptom of a larger condition that has since been fixed. While taking this picture, I thought it might be fun to do more macro shots of people's hair. Any volunteers?

January 7th:

A snow-covered couch by the dumpsters outside my apartment. Columbus, Ohio.

January 8th:

Outside Liberty-Benton Elementary School at sunrise.

January 9th:

The mosque in Perrysburg, Ohio.

January 10th:

Sunset on the way to Columbus, Ohio.

January 11th:

Icicles hanging from the porch covering at the house where I work, in Columbus, Ohio.

New Years' Resolution

2010-01-04T22:13:00.002-05:00

I decided to start a "365" photography project, which is something very popular in the world of photo websites. All you have to do is take one picture, every day, for a year. Many people like to pick a theme, such as self-portraiture, but I know that if I got too specific, I would lose motivation. So I'm just dedicating myself to taking one thoughtful photograph every day, no matter what. Here are the first three.

New Years' Day:

The Brooklyn Bridge at sunset, New York City, NY

January 2nd:

The view from the back window of my parents' house, at night, Toledo, Ohio.

January 3rd:

A view from the car window as we drove back to Columbus. Delaware, Ohio.

Japan Trip

2009-08-26T13:55:00.003-04:00

To save time and avoid repeating myself, I've decided to just post the photos from my trip to Japan on Facebook. Here, I will write about the stories from the trip, and some cultural observations, but uploading pictures to Facebook and Flickr is just too much when I don't have an Internet connection. If you read this and are not Facebook friends with me, let me know!

Japan!

2009-08-17T15:52:00.002-04:00

Haven't gone anywhere so far, but here are the few pictures from our journey to the hotel.

Pocari Sweat, a type of sports drink.

Zac with a statue in honor of Godzilla.

The toilet seat in our hotel.

We get Internet in the hotel, so I should be able to update semi-regularly, though of course all the artsy pictures will have to wait until I get back to Columbus to edit and upload them. For now, it's the point-and-shoot camera that gets the glory.

More about Jobs

2009-08-07T23:11:00.003-04:00

Today my advisor explained my current employment to someone by saying, "She's just taking a break for a couple of years."

Excuse me, Professor, but I am not "taking a break." "Taking a break" is what rich kids do when they realize they aren't actually employable, and go backpacking in Europe on their parents' dime or take an internship that they have to pay for. I am working my a** off, going to school full-time and working (almost) full-time, and as soon as I graduate I plan to take on another job.

What part of this sounds like a "break" to you? Oh, because it's not as prestigious as the job you have? Ah, but see, I like my job.

Note to Dad: I haven't actually gotten any comments from kids my age - they actually understand how tough the economy is, because many recent graduates can't even get jobs at all! So they're never judging me. For some reason it's the adults who apparently "expected more" from me, as if raising someone's kids is not a worthy enough position.

I've been thinking a lot about the kinds of jobs I may want to get to fill up the extra hours of the week. Of course, I'm going to spend three months advertising and networking in an attempt to make some spending money from photography, and perhaps I could eventually make a living on it. I'm going to finish some of the writing that I have in the works, submit it to publishers, and see what happens. If both of those ventures fail, I will look for a job with either Habitat for Humanity or the university, because of those could lead to other opportunities. And if that doesn't work, I will consider starting an ABA therapy job again, since now I have the luxury of a semi-fixed schedule and the time to search. I watched a 20/20 special on medical mysteries that ended with a girl with autism who was finally able to communicate by typing. This has helped a few kids already, but I wish everyone could find a way to express themselves. I'd love to work with another child to help them with autism, preferably not in a household with a secretly abusive/potentially murderous "father" this time : )

And if not that:
--> bartending
--> ESL instructor certification
--> Fulbright scholarship
--> Law school or grad school
--> Marry rich! : )

I think I'll achieve plenty, and even if it won't look good in an obituary, I think I'd rather just enjoy my life and know for myself that I used all my potential. I used to think that everyone's approval was necessary, but that was just because I used to always have it. Now that I am "disappointing" the same people I used to impress, I've realized that their opinions don't actually matter to me.

Jobs

2009-08-02T22:18:00.002-04:00

Way too busy to post, but oh well, I'm just digging my hole of stress deeper!

I'm working as a nanny, and although it wasn't exactly my career goal, I am just happy to have a job! Most of my other recently-graduated friends have also had to settle for jobs they could have gotten in high school - but to be fair, now high schoolers can't hardly get employed at all!

At first I was bummed that I wouldn't be using my college degree right away, especially because many people have said that they are disappointed in me. I think that's ridiculous; if I'm not disappointed in myself, what right does anyone else have to be disappointed in me? I'm old enough now to be able to set my own standards, and not worry about living up to someone else's.

Once I got over being hurt by people's remarks, I realized that this terrible economy could be a blessing in disguise. For 1), I will be able to tell my kids that "I entered the job market during the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression!" and of course I had to walk to work three miles, uphill both ways. And 2), instead of focusing on a prestigious job title that will impress people, I will be focusing on my hobbies, like photography and writing. Who knows, maybe I'll be famous for that!

I am so looking forward to graduation - not necessarily for the ceremony, but because my workload will be reduced about 50% by then! I miss my friends, I miss bumming around and watching TV or surfing the Internet, and I really miss spending hours taking photos!

A Message to the President

2009-06-19T12:06:00.002-04:00

Dear President Obama,

When you first took office, you claimed that you couldn't work on civil rights because there are "more pressing issues" like the economy. After throwing billions of dollars at the economy, with obviously no effect, it seems like maybe you shouldn't be messing with it. Now, North Korea is threatening to bomb us, which you'd think would also be a "more pressing issue." But all you can say is that you're "deeply concerned" and "thinking about" what to do. WE MIGHT GET BOMBED and you are still yammering on about unemployment statistics. With all due respect, Mr. President, what the hell. I wish Hillary Clinton had won the election.

Sincerely,
me

Dear U.S. Government

2009-06-11T17:24:00.003-04:00

Dear U.S. Government,

Quit harassing me. I do not recall electing you Moral Arbiter of the World, so what gives you the right to say how I live my life (provided it's not harming anyone else)?

Here's the deal. I will happily give you a small portion of my paycheck each month, in return for you building my roads, taking care of those who can't care for themselves, and making sure I am not killed. Other than that, I don't need your help. I don't need you to help me deal with credit card companies, or run the banks, or tell me who is allowed to enter into legal partnerships with each other. None of these things are your business!

Love,
me

P.S. Sorry to those of you who do not like reading angry rants. I am trying really hard to stop being angry about injustices, but I just can't quit!

My First Time-Lapse Video

2009-05-24T11:00:00.002-04:00

So exciting! I can't wait to try more of these.

Hint to anyone else wishing to try this: I had to put sunglasses on my webcam, because the sun was too bright and the clouds were completely overexposed. Literally, I propped up a pair of sunglasses on a matchbox and placed my webcam behind the eyepiece. The little blur in the bottom right-hand corner is the matchbox - oops! But I'm still practicing.

If You Donate Your Birthday, You Don't Age That Year!

2009-05-12T17:51:00.001-04:00

I Did It!

2009-04-29T21:32:00.003-04:00

Even with my old point-and-shoot camera, I would try to take panoramic views of the landscapes I saw. Of course, having no software to stitch these shots together, I was just left with seemingly meaningless sequences of photographs.

Not anymore!

I downloaded a freeware panoramic stitching program called Hugin. Since it is free, it is not at all user-friendly. Knowledge of scripts and installing plugins is highly recommended. I have extremely limited computer knowledge, though, and after two days of frustration, I have finally figured out how to stitch photos together!

Keep in mind that this was with my old camera, and I foolishly took the pictures in "auto" mode, meaning each of them had a different exposure and zoom factor. This compounded my difficulties, and I did lose one of the frames, so it's not the composition I intended.

Yet it's not too bad, considering I used a super cheap camera, right? The software is awesome!

Advice for anyone else who wants to try:

- whether you have a point-and-shoot or a DSLR, keep it in manual mode. All the exposure settings (aperture, ISO, shutter speed) need to be the same in order to create the best quality picture. This is hard if you're used to auto, but you can always set it to auto first and copy the settings once you switch over to manual mode.

- using a tripod is best, or you can keep your camera on a ledge. If that's not available, it's okay to keep your camera up to your eye and just pivot slowly. It won't align perfectly, but that's what I did for the above pictures and it wasn't disastrous.

- overlap at least one-third of your picture area when moving frame to frame. More is better. I overlapped about 50% of the frame, and that worked pretty well for me.

- if you download Hugin, have patience. Use the tutorials and try baby steps (stitching two pictures that do not have a big shift between them). The first thing I tried was stitching five photos with varying exposures and levels, and I was almost crying out of frustration! But then I started with two almost identical pictures, one that had shifted to the right just a bit. This was doable, so I worked my way up.

- again, if using Hugin, you have to click "create panorama" once to preview the picture and center it correctly. Then, click that very same button and a totally different window will pop up (weird, huh?) that asks you how to save the photos. Use the extension .jpg or .tif.

Anyone can do it!

Coolness

2009-04-29T13:38:00.003-04:00

Today I had lunch with a friend so he could teach me how to play a card game called Magic: The Gathering (similar vein to Dungeons & Dragons). Anyone who heard about this gave me a reaction along the lines of, "Really? Why must you be so uncool sometimes?"

I, for one, am not at all ashamed to be called "geek" or "nerd." But I would like to pose a question. What does it say about our society that:

This is the "right" way to spend a Friday night, and

This is what "losers" do on the weekends?

Really, where are our values if that if our definition of cool includes destroying your liver, blacking out, having sex, spending lots of money on brand-name clothing, and getting a spray tan, while a geek might get good grades, remain a virgin until college, and own a few video game systems? Oh noes! Virginity = worst thing ever!!!!1!111!!!!!one!!!1!!eleven! And the only reason you would still be a virgin is because you play computer games instead of partying!

Seriously, society. Grow up!

Stuff White People Like

2009-04-23T07:41:00.002-04:00

One of my favorite blogs to follow is called "Stuff White People Like." It's written mainly by a white guy, and all the humor is well-intended - and most importantly, true! Like this quote from the most recent post:

"During the course of a white person’s education they will go through many phases including but not limited to: 'awkward,' 'classic rock,' and 'being really into a foreign country.' Of these phases, there is only one that all white people are required to go through before they can obtain their bachelor’s degree. It is known as 'Bob Marley.'"

Though I have identified with many of the things on this "SWPL" list, I unfortunately did not go through any of these phases. However, I know many people who did or still are. In junior high it seemed to be that everyone was liking the hard rock bands of their parents' era, and enjoying current music was super-uncool. Now everyone is "being really into a foreign country," even going so far as to claim another nation as their own, even if they have just briefly visited.

If you've never visited this blog, I highly recommend keeping an Internet browser tab open and reading through it whenever you need a good laugh. But only if you have a sense of humor about yourself! Because many of the things on this list are things YOU like/d. It's okay though - so do I.
Stuff White People Like Full List (click on each item for hilarious description)

2009-04-20T10:03:00.001-04:00

Here is my first attempt to post via phone!

Dear ProLife Across America

2009-04-17T13:53:00.002-04:00

Dear ProLife Across America,

I agree with you - life DOES begin at conception. But when you write "God Bless America" in huge letters above your message, accompanied by pictures of babies wearing Santa hats, I find it offensive. Can you really equate your views on abortion with 1) God, 2) Patriotism, and 3) Christmas ? If people are committing a moral wrong by aborting babies, that's between them and God. If they are committing a LEGAL wrong by violating the right to life, well then, you might have a case. Please don't make me look at your 3 billboards again on my trip from Columbus to Toledo. I get the point.

Sincerely,
VJ

P.S. Also, please remove the protesters from my university's campus. I am just trying to go to class; I do not need to see bloody, aborted fetuses every morning. It's sad, I agree, but there is no legal way to force women to care for a child they do not want. If I had my way, we'd require prenatal vitamins and make it illegal to drink or smoke during pregnancy. But we can't do that. So leave me alone!

Greater Than or Equal to

2009-04-16T21:18:00.002-04:00

English Speakers in China > English Speakers in United States
(number)

U.S. Dollars in China > U.S. Dollars in United States
(number in possession)

Yikes!

Funny Thing That Happened This Morning

2009-04-15T13:48:00.003-04:00

Today, I was just sitting in the living room of my apartment, finishing up some reading for my afternoon class.

I start to smell smoke. Oh well, I think, maybe someone downstairs is burning a candle.

The smell gets more intense. I start to get worried, but reassure myself that someone downstairs is just burning a LOT of candles. I check my stove to make sure it isn't on. I walk into every room to see if I can identify the source of the smell. It's coming from my bedroom!

But nothing is burning...the smell gets more intense. I throw on some pants, get my flip-flops and grab my keys, running downstairs to see if the apartment below me is on fire. The smell is definitely stronger on the main floor, but that apartment's door isn't warm.

So I go down the next flight of stairs. Here it is! The smoke smell is almost choking me, now. My eyes sting. I hear a banging coming from the basement door - but it's locked! Someone is trapped inside a burning room and they are banging the walls for help!

I decide to call the emergency maintenance number first, because they will be able to arrive quicker than the fire department. "I'm in the #### building!" I cry. "Something is on fire!"

Maintenance man: "Oh, they're just taking apart the hot water tank. They have to cut it up before they can get it out of the basement, so it will be really loud and smell like something is burning for awhile."

Really? You couldn't have posted some kind of note on our doors: "It will smell like the building is on fire, do not be alarmed"? That certainly would have been less trouble than explaining why you didn't have time to warn your residents when the fire truck has arrived!

Greater Than or Equal to

2009-04-13T21:22:00.003-04:00

My family really enjoys Demetri Martin's comedy, particularly his "greater than or equal to" bit. His examples are:

Turtle > Baby nephew
(because it's okay if you drop a turtle)

Mustache = 3 gold chains
(in creepiness)

I can't think of many funny equations or inequalities, but I have thought of some educational ones! They're very surprising, though, so I think they still have entertainment value.

Tokyo > Canada
(population)

Children in India > People in United States
(numbers)

United States > Australia
(U.S. has better greenhouse gas emissions/capita rate)

World Literature > Comparative Literature
(in ability to deal with the real world)

Moissanite > Diamonds
(sparkliness and social consciousness)

North Korea > Iraq
(scariness)

Obama

2009-04-08T13:48:00.002-04:00

I think this video is very funny, and (rare for political comedy) in good taste.

One thing I can't help but think, as President Obama travels the world, is that if Hillary Clinton had won the election, she would not have been so well-received. Many nations have a black/African majority, so it is easy to accept a U.S. President who matches their demographic. The leader of Brazil actually stated that, if President Obama was walking around in Bahía (a state in Brazil), people would think he was a local. It really has helped our nation's image to have a President that is representative of a different group of people than before.

However, even though every country also has women, sexism is still widely popular. Many African, Southeast Asian, and Middle Eastern nations still have a lot of rights restricted for women, but almost every nation now has equal rights for people of African descent (though not always for other ethnic groups, such as Kurds, Georgians, indigenous groups, etc.). I just don't think international leaders would be able to respect a female President from the U.S. Not that this is a reason for us to continue electing men only, but it is a sad part of the world. President Obama's ethnicity represents about 12% of the U.S. population (less if you label him as "biracial" instead of "black"), while Hillary Clinton's "minority gender" represents at least half. Clearly, Obama's values and policies represent a far greater proportion, but when people constantly point out that he is the first black President, it seems to me like they are implying that is more important than having the first female President.

Family

2009-04-08T12:24:00.003-04:00

American values are very confusing to me sometimes. For example: is family important, or not?

The "Focus on Families" and other coalitions would of course argue that family is THE most important value, and it is very much in vogue to say that your family is the most important thing in your life.

But in practice, it seems that familial closeness is almost a sign of failure in the United States.

For example, my fellow college students seem to look down on people who travel home to see their families often. "Homesickness" is a sign of weakness, showing that you have not adjusted to college life. Though I am really not homesick, I do travel back home fairly often, because I don't want to miss out on important family events (i.e., all my sister's senior year things this spring!). I don't see anything wrong with that, but I will frequently get comments such as, "Weren't you home just last month?" and "You're going back again?"

The worst fate any college graduate can think of is, "If I don't get a job soon, I might have to go back and live with my parents!" But in other cultures, children are expected to live with their parents until marriage. To get an apartment and live alone would imply that you have abandoned your family.

Even in movies, living with parents=failure (see Failure to Launch). This seems to be a concept that is relatively unique to the United States.

Moving far away from one's family is also considered a sign of success, at least among the college-educated people I know. Living abroad for a few years gives bragging rights, and if I had gone to college at USC (California), I would have accorded a higher status than I did when I chose to stay in-state. Living and working in the same town in which you were born seems to be looked down upon.

So, USA, which is it? Am I supposed to love my family or abandon them? It seems that I should SAY, "Family is very important to me," but in real life, I should generally ignore them. Either way, I feel bad - if I stay close to home, I feel like a failure, but if I move far away, I feel guilty for abandoning them*! The cultural values seem so hypocritical. I wonder if this is the same in other countries.

*Note: My family does not really contribute to this feeling of guilt; those of you who know me in real life will realize that I internalize guilt for sometimes no reason at all.

Career

2009-04-06T15:17:00.003-04:00

I have been thinking about it a lot, and have created a sort of timeline for myself, for the next couple years or so. Maybe this will help the sudden panic attacks at the thought of the future!

August 2009 - graduate, get job, not too important what kind of a job
September 2009 - apply for Fulbright to Portugal
January 2010 - find out if my Fulbright application is passed on to Portugal
- if Fulbright stops here, start course to become certified in teaching
English as a Second Language
Summer 2010 - either go to Portugal on Fulbright, or another country teaching ESL
Summer/Fall 2010 - decide whether to apply to law school OR grad school OR continue
working in the U.S.

The things I have to read

2009-04-05T15:57:00.002-04:00

An excerpt on my reading in Comparative Literature:

"In the American Wing for the Hospital of Comparative Literature and Related Diseases, it has been primarily René Wellek who taken upon himself (or perhaps has been pressed into - 'halb zog sie ihn, halb sank er hin') the role of chief medical consultant and author of periodic bulletins ... describing the patient's condition and, at times, venturing a prognosis. With all the fuss that has been made about him over the years, the patient, who cherishes his privacy and would probably like to be left alone in his sickroom, has somehow managed to survive by ignoring, a true 'Weltkind in der Mitten,' both the eschatological 'Prophete links' and the Utopian "Prophete rechts.'"

Obviously, there is no hospital for Comparative Literature, nor does the analogy of the patient really make sense. The author just got carried away in his confusing metaphor, and apparently thought it was super-clever.

As for the German phrases interspersed and never translated? The entire 26-page article is littered with German, French, and Latin - entire passages at times, NEVER translated. Apparently anyone who doesn't know all three of those languages, in addition to the English in which the article is written, doesn't deserve to understand!

The author (Ulrich Weisstein) is clearly very impressed with himself. Why, after the introduction, he even deigns to explain why he is superior to us:

"...I have a Ph.D. in Comparative Literature, have taught methodological courses for a quarter of a century [footnote here directs you "especially" to one of his many excellent articles], have written a handbook translated into four languages, as well as a booklength Forschungsbericht, have been the editor of the Yearbook of Comparative and General Literature since 1959, have attended all ICLA Congresses since Chapel Hill, have edited the first volume (on Expressionism) in the Comparative History of Literatures in the European Languages, have been a member of the Coordinating Committee in charge of that gallant [oh and modest too] enterprise, and sit currently on the Bureau [why this is italicized, I don't know, unless to put emphasis in order to impress the readers] of the ICLA."

Doesn't that kind of thing really belong in the bio before the article, not as part of the research? And as old as Weisstein obviously is, are those accomplishments really that impressive in such a small field of academia?

If this dude was my professor, I would have a lot of trouble not rolling my eyes in class!

Minor in Portuguese

2009-04-01T13:35:00.003-04:00

Upon walking into my Portuguese class yesterday, my heart immediately sank. Now I remembered why I had left the program a year ago! Everyone discussing their "life-changing" (aka liver-ruining) study abroad trips over spring break, competing to see who could make their vowels the most nasal or most pretentiously reproduce the Brazilian accent.

UGH. I was sick of them after 5 minutes!

The professor seemed nice enough, but he kept insisting that our textbook was available. It was most certainly not (I had checked!). Here was the basic conversation, translated of course:

Prof: The book is available at SBX.
Class: We looked there, and they say they don't even have it on order.
Prof: Well it's there. If not, try Barnes & Noble.
Class: They don't have it either.
Prof: One of the stores will have it. You need it to do your homework for next class.
Class: (remains silent out of respect for his apparent inability to understand words)

So, I check the stores AGAIN after class, and e-mail him to confirm that they are not available. I suggest that I can ship it express from Amazon to have it by the weekend, though my assignment would then be late.

Prof: You know, other campus bookstores get our orders too. You don't have to look only at SBX and Barnes & Noble.

*facepalm*

For this and other reasons, I dropped the class and replaced it with a Spanish literature course. This will leave only one measly credit hour that I need to take over the summer, though I will probably just take a 5 credit hour course and have more than I need for my major.

Since the Portuguese population in the U.S. is so small, I am hoping a minor wouldn't really have increased my job prospects, especially since I doubt this one extra class would have bolstered my language skills very much. I definitely wouldn't be fluent, anyway - for that I'd need to live abroad for 6 months to a year. We'll see what happens with the Fulbright!

Careers

2009-03-31T22:23:00.002-04:00

With my degree (and lack of skills associated with it), along with my goals for life, law school seems like the best option.

Unfortunately, I can't stay sure that I want to apply to law school for more than two consecutive days.

One minute, I am sure that I want to be a lawyer. I would love to be an immigration attorney, and it would provide so many more opportunities for careers - I could travel, live anywhere in the country, use my language skills, and make a real difference in people's lives by working for a nonprofit.

Then I wake up the next morning, certain that I can't go to law school. The idea of going deep into debt (average cost of the tuition alone totals $120,000) is terrifying, especially since I'll be working for peanuts after graduation. And law school is notorious for taking a toll on a person's self-esteem, as professors are motivated to knock students down a notch. I am extremely sensitive to criticism from teachers, and I wouldn't do very well if I was sobbing in the bathroom after classes every day!

I feel like I have to make this decision now, while I can get recommendations from professors before I graduate. If I work for a few years, I'll have to get letters from my employers, and what if that's just Target or some random state government agency? Those sorts of letters won't bode well for my application.

Previous Two Entries

2009-03-30T14:04:00.001-04:00

I am applying to work as a Buckeye Blogger, where I would write an entry or two a week about my life at OSU. The previous two entries were samples I had to submit as part of my application. The deadline isn't until May 1st, so we'll see if I get it!

Sample 2 for Buckeyes Blog

2009-03-30T13:53:00.002-04:00

OSU runs an Alternative Spring Break program, like most universities. Here, though, we have expanded it to every quarter break! I attended the Alternative Winter Break trip to Camp Heartland, Minnesota my freshman year, where we painted and repaired a camp for kids affected by HIV/AIDS. The next year, I went on the Alternative Summer Break trip to Ecuador, where we worked with Habitat for Humanity.

Guayaquil, Ecuador is the second largest city in the country, and it was beautiful!

Here is our worksite, just some squares roped off. It took a surprisingly long time to dig the foundation!

We had to bend something called re-bar in order to build the pillars you see in the background. I was actually able to do this!

Every Alternative Break trip includes a little "R&R" time, so of course we had to form the O-H-I-O.

The drive up to the mountains was gorgeous. We actually went higher than the clouds and got to watch the sun set behind the cloud cover.

We had about 7 working days, so we weren't able to complete an entire house. Still, I think we got pretty far, don't you?

The entire group, including the family who will live in this house when it is completed (left-hand side). In the very center of the back row is Jaime (hi-may), who was the best construction worker I have ever seen!

I have been wanting to go on another Habitat for Humanity trip ever since we returned from Ecuador. However, I am pretty sure OSU subsidizes the Alternative Break trips, because to go independently, it is way expensive! Just another reason to start that savings account : )

Sample for Buckeyes Blog

2009-03-30T13:31:00.002-04:00

My brother and I at my high school graduation. I was so ready to go to college!

My dad's truck was packed to the brim with stuff for my dorm. Turns out I didn't need most of it!

The empty dorm room was pretty intimidating at first...

...but it looked better once I had decorated it.

Convocation in one of OSU's many sport venues. This picture only shows a fraction of that huge place!

In the first month, our RA planned tons of events for my floor in Lincoln Tower. Here, we went to see Mamma Mia for just $5!

The boys in the neighboring suite ordered hundreds of DHL shipping boxes and built various pieces of furniture out of them. Is it any surprise that they were engineers?

Fall is still my favorite season at OSU. Everyone is excited to be back, and campus looks gorgeous when the leaves change. Pictured is the fountain in Mirror Lake.

Expectations

2009-03-16T12:11:00.002-04:00

I feel like growing up in this generation is very stressful. I don't even have a full-time job yet, but already I feel overwhelmed with all the things a 20-something, socially conscious young woman is expected to do. Some examples:

Buy organic, fair trade, ecologically-sustainable, etc.
AND
Get a job that helps society, instead of for your own profit.

Solution: spend a few hours a week finding coupons to finance your grocery shopping

Advance your career opportunities by getting an internship.
AND
Volunteer to improve your community.

Solution: spend a few hours a week at an unpaid internship, doing clerical work.

Appreciate your educational opportunities.
AND
Have a vibrant social life.

Solution: pull all-nighters to make time for drinking with friends and cramming for exams. (obviously I have chosen to ignore this expectation)

There are so many more that I was thinking of earlier, but obviously I am too overwhelmed to remember them!

Sign up to help me achieve my dream photography assignment

2009-03-03T07:09:00.003-05:00

United 93

2009-02-28T21:55:00.003-05:00

This movie came out in 2006, and it chronicles the story of the fourth flight on September 11th, 2001, which crashed in rural Pennsylvania as the passengers overpowered their hijackers.

It's an inspiring story, so it would be hard to mess it up as a filmmaker. Since we don't have much information beyond the passengers' phone calls and the limited communication with air traffic control, the majority of the script is fictional.

Naturally, the producers and director wanted to pull at the heartstrings of America, but they did so in a way that was very offensive (to me, at least).

The movie opens with a Muslim prayer, murmured menacingly as the camera pans over Manhattan and a lot of Americana images. Obviously, this is intended to remind the viewers which religion is responsible for the tragedy of 9/11.

The passengers on the plane have a clear gender divide. The men get down to business and call 911, or speak with their families to get the details of the other hijacked planes. The women either collapse into sobbing heaps in their seats, or call their families to say that they love them. Once the men have assessed the situation, they start to organize a revolt, while the women are still sobbing hysterically on the phone, seemingly paying no attention to the plan. The only females who even participate in the attempt to save the plane are the flight attendants, but the men are clearly the ones in charge. Since we don't know what happened on this plane, why did the script writers put every single woman in the passive role? Very presumptuous for them to assume that every woman on the plane was hysterical, while most of the men were ready for action.

One scene near the end of the movie shows the passengers preparing to attack. The hijackers realize that they might not reach their target, and both groups begin to pray. The terrorists shout to Allah, while the passengers are shown reciting the Lord's Prayer (I think, anyway - whichever one starts "Our Father who art in Heaven..."). The film cuts from one face to another as their voices rise in the two different prayers.

It was as if the filmmakers were trying to show the "good Christian Americans" vs. the "evil Muslim terrorists"! I'm not Muslim or Christian, but I was still offended. Although it is documented that at least one passenger was saying the Lord's Prayer right before they revolted, it was clear that the two groups' simultaneous prayers were written into the script to emphasize the religious divide between the attackers and the passengers.

All in all, United 93 was a good movie - well-paced, suspenseful, and interesting. Still, it could have been all those things without being so clearly offensive to both women and Muslims.

*edit* It's also offensive to Europeans! One scene depicts the only German passenger attempting to stop the others from attacking the hijackers. I had assumed this was based on phone calls or something, but according to imdb.com, there is no evidence that the German man did anything to inhibit the revolt. He may have even helped, but for some reason the filmmakers decided to portray the only non-American passenger as being evil as well.

Sexism

2009-02-19T22:56:00.002-05:00

In one class, I get in trouble if I write that a female character is a "hero": "Wrong, the correct term is heroine."

In another class I was docked points for calling an author a "poetess": "Why use the gendered term? This has very derogatory connotations."

Make up your minds, academic world. Are we differentiating or not?

To all you men out there - as a woman, I don't care that much about these terms. To me, "actors" include anyone who acts, and "actress" is specifically female. If I entered law enforcement, you could call me a police officer or a policewoman, and neither would bother me. "Lady Cop" is unacceptable, though (i.e. Lil' Wayne).

Cuteness

2009-02-19T22:49:00.002-05:00

Conversation with one of my babysitting charges (she's 4 years old and I don't want to put her name on the Internet, so I'll just label her "4"):

4: When are you going to get married?

Me: I don't know yet.

4: When are you going to have kids?

Me: I'm not sure. What if a couple decides not to have kids?

4: They get a dog.

I love little kids' simplicity. 'Okay, you're going to get married and have kids. And I guess the alternative is to get a dog.' All black and white, no gray areas.

...actually, that's how a lot of adults think, too : )

News Blog

2009-02-17T21:43:00.003-05:00

This blog has had a weird mix of news and personal info, so I've decided to separate the two and created a blog devoted entirely to international/world news and political discussion:

http://spreadofinformation.blogspot.com/

From now on, this site will just be about my life and career search. I hope you will visit the news blog too!

Career

2009-02-15T22:10:00.002-05:00

When people ask me what I'm doing after graduation, I still don't know what to tell them. It makes me sound like I am apathetic - a person with no direction.

But that's not true. I know exactly what I want to do with my life. I want to make a difference. I want everyone who feels alone to know that someone cares, and that someone is me. I want to advocate for those who can't advocate for themselves (immigrants/refugees, children, people with disabilities, people from low-income or conflicted areas). I want to make sure that all of the six-seven billion people in this world understand and love each other.

Okay, those are all impossible goals to achieve completely, but as long as I am working toward them, I could be happy.

So the question is: what job can I get now, that will actually have a positive effect on the world? I know that teaching and medicine are no-brainers, but those fields have positive effects on a person-by-person basis. I want to change policies and public consensus - big scale, grand ideas! Maybe that's not the most noble way to go about it, but I know what will make me happy. Current options are:

1. Lawyer (this would first require me to go to law school and fraternize with the money-grubbing type of lawyer, blech) - I could work in the International Criminal Court, help people immigrate to the U.S., protect children, etc.

2. Writer - either for a news magazine or paper, present an independent view not driven by advertisers' needs. Perhaps impossible.

3. Photographer - show people the bad stuff in the world and let my readers/viewers figure out how to fix it.

4. General advocate/activist/person-who-yells-at-people-to-get-justice - this is what I think I'd be really good at, and what I'd love to do. I have much experience with getting my way through reasoned arguments! However, this does not seem like a position with a salary...

Thoughts

2009-02-15T20:34:00.003-05:00

Why don't you ever see newscasters sneeze? Most broadcasts are live, and I find it hard to believe that they never get hay fever. So what are they doing to prevent it?

Also, what does a singer do if they get hiccups right before a concert?

Productivity

2009-02-07T17:52:00.004-05:00

When I live alone, it's easy for me to get complacent about cleaning the apartment - why bother when no one else is there to tell me it's too messy? Of course, when I forget to dust and vacuum, my allergies go crazy, but that's not usually enough motivation to get me to clean.

SO today I decided to get motivated and be productive! Since there is no one around to be amazed at how much I got done, I'll just have to list it here on the Internet:

1. Washed a load of dishes (remember I have to hand wash since there is no dishwasher - and we don't have a double sink either)

2. Went to the bank to deposit a ton of money, and get $20 in quarters for laundry (I'm averaging almost $20/month on this! Why can't I be a boy who wears his shirts seven days in a row?)

3. Shopped for groceries ($20 under budget for this week so far!)

4. Washed more dishes

5. Put in a load of laundry, including towels so I can wash even MORE dishes later

6. Vacuumed the living room and hallway

7. Dusted the pass-through shelf, entertainment center, and bookshelf

8. Cleaned the bathroom sink so I could...

9. ...hand wash my favorite hat

10. Cleaned the stove

11. Took out the trash

And that's just so far! Sorry for my boring entries lately, but to be fair I am a relatively boring person on most fronts.

I forgot to mention another reason the previous budget entry was important: on that budget, I could still serve in AmeriCorps for a year. They give a living allowance of around $10,000 and provide health insurance. Previously, I was sure that no human could live on so little! But if I had a roommate and stayed in Columbus, it would definitely be possible.

Tomorrow, I want to:

1. Get up at 7 am

2. Take a picture of that weird light fixture on the way downstairs

3. Drive to campus to take sunrise photos

4. Get some shots of the frozen pool out back

5. Take some new water droplet photos with my geodes

6. Go back to sleep : )

First Aid info

2009-02-03T23:23:00.003-05:00

Last night, a six-year-old girl was found walking around outside in Columbus, no gloves or hat on, with first-degree frostbite.

Police say her mother was drunk and is being charged with child endangerment.

The neighbor who found her immediately started rubbing the little girl's arms and legs to "warm them up," and I felt compelled to write this blog post letting any readers know:

DO NOT RUB FROSTBITTEN SKIN

You could rupture frozen cells, and the friction could break vital blood vessels and cause permanent damage.

If someone appears to have frostbite (and you can never be too sure!), wrap them in a blanket and get them in a warm place. Baths up to 104 degrees Fahrenheit are good. Use the person's own body heat by keeping them wrapped up if you can't get them immediate medical attention.

I was surprised the news did not remind its viewers of this when the woman said she had rubbed the little girl's "bright red skin." So here's my PSA, pass the information on!

Budget

2009-02-02T15:51:00.003-05:00

As an exercise, I'm trying to calculate my anticipated budget for next year, to see what kind of a salary I will need as I'm applying for jobs. Here are the expenses I'm expecting:

Rent: $400/month (including gas, electric, water, in a shared 2-bedroom)
Internet and Cable: $30/month (split between myself and my roommate)
Food: $200/month
Entertainment: $50/month (currently I only spend around $20, but I'll be good to myself)
Car Insurance: $50/month (this is not including any repairs that may be needed)
Gas: $40/month (driving 400 miles, assuming gas is at $2.00/gallon)
Phone bill: $18/month

This adds up to around $9456 a year, which seems ridiculously low to me! Then again, I've been operating on around $6000/year with my scholarship stipend, so I'm not surprised that my habits have led to a really low budget. I'm lucky in that the following things enable me to live on the cheap:

1. I don't drink (alcohol is expensive!)
2. I have a roommate, so rent, utilities, cable and Internet are split in half
3. I rarely eat out, because luckily my mom taught me to cook, plus my roommate loves to cook
4. I don't have any student loan or credit card debt (again due in part to my parents' support)
5. I don't have children (FYI: raising a child to adulthood costs $500,000 total. That's half a MILLION. Why do I want kids??)

On this budget, if I work 40 hours/week for 50 weeks a year, I need to make less than $5/hour after taxes. So as a single person, I could live comfortably on minimum wage, provided I had health insurance through my job.

However, I plan to get a job that makes more than minimum wage! Even if I am a nanny, I'm still making $10-$12/hour (and that's not taxed, though I may have to claim it if the government gets nosy about how I am able to live on nothing). As a photo studio employee at Target, I would make around the same hourly rate, and would have health, dental, and vision insurance. I'm not sure what the salaries are for seasonal employment at a school portrait studio, but I'm sure it would be enough. Plus, as a seasonal employee I would have built-in unpaid vacations!

The good thing about this low budget is that I might be able to take time off between jobs. I can work for about a year, quit, and line up another job to start a month later. In that month off, I could travel! I know it seems a little fiscally irresponsible to just spend my extra money on travelling, but I want to do this as much as possible before I have kids and a real career job that I can't leave. I love photography, and travel photography is one of the more lucrative careers. Perhaps I could build up a portfolio during my travels and end up being paid to go abroad for a travel magazine? Then photography would be a net gain for my finances, instead of the hobby that bleeds out all my money!

Just to get myself all jazzed about a boring 9-5 job, I've investigated some vacation prices, which all include airfare:

A week in Argentina: $1500-$2000
See the following photos for why I absolutely must go here:
Perito Moreno Glacier
Ballena (whale)

A week in South Africa: $2000

A week in Los Angeles: under $1000

A week in Alaska: around $2000

I could also roadtrip to the Southwest United States, which has amazing landscapes and tons of national parks. This would only cost a few hundred dollars if I camped the whole way.

Trash in the Hall

2009-02-01T16:13:00.003-05:00

As some may know, my neighbors in the apartment building have a habit of leaving their trash out in the hall, I presume because it is too cold for them to bother to take it outside to the dumpster. Most recently, the bag of trash was sitting there for 5 days, rotting and expanding its stench throughout the entire building.

To amend this problem, I went to the management office, and they promptly sent maintenance to remove the trash bags. (one of the rare good things they have done!)

Unfortunately, this has led my other neighbors to believe that if they leave their trash in the hall for long enough, maintenance will take it out for them. Now there are no less than three bags of rotting, smelly trash in the hallway.

I can understand if people are putting the trash outside their doors to remind themselves to take it out, but for 5 days? It seems like, once they get tired of it making their own apartment reek, they set it out for the rest of us to deal with.

Real adults are able to take out their own trash. They don't wait until someone else goes out in the cold for them. Seriously, go back and live with your parents if you can't handle this!

/endrant

Labels

2009-01-28T12:15:00.002-05:00

So, for those readers of my blog who really want to be politically correct, I learned something in linguistics class the other day that made me realize how politically incorrect I am being! And you know I love to phrase things in the least judgmental way possible, at least when I am in mixed company.

A study we read was referring to the language capability of "autistics." No, they're not "autistic PEOPLE," they are just "autistics," which effectively removes their identification as humans. However, even the label "autistic people" makes their developmental disability the leading descriptor. The proper term, at least when studying this set of people in light of their autism, is "people with autism." They're PEOPLE first and foremost, and the interesting thing for this study is that they have autism, so by phrasing it that way, you are according the proper priority to the words.

This can be applied in a lot of different ways, outside of research. For example:

"The blacks have taken over Franklin Park Mall." (sounds racist!)
"Black teenagers have taken over Franklin Park Mall." (true, but still sounds prejudiced)
"Teenagers who are black have taken over Franklin Park Mall." (you're just pointing out their race as an identifier here, not making it their defining characteristic)

"The gays are ruining American values." (Evangelical Christian alert!)
"Gay people are ruining American values." (at least here you admit they are people)
"People who are gay are ruining American values." (now it's not because you hate their sexual orientation, but perhaps because you have a reasoned argument to support this statement!)

"Evangelicals are idiots." (so judgmental!)
"Evangelical people are idiots." (still not very nice)
"People who subscribe to Evangelical values are idiots." (sure it's a mouthful, but makes you sound more educated)

I know political correctness can be annoying, but even subtle word syntax such as this can change people's impressions of you. They may not realize that you are wording labels in a less offensive way, but after having a conversation with someone who used all the first sentences, they will walk away thinking, "Wow, what an uneducated jerk!" After a discussion with a person using all the third options, they may think, "I didn't agree with that person's values, but they seemed rational enough."

Israel/Palestine Conflict

2009-01-15T11:08:00.003-05:00

Many people think that all Israelis wants to kill all Palestinians, and vice versa. The unfortunate truth is that the majority of these people are just caught in the crossfire of political leaders. Popular support for violent conflict is quite low, but we only hear the angry voices.

Violence Fatigue Among Palestinians, Israelis Alike

" 'Resorting to armed violence... proved to be detrimental to our national struggle,' Mohammed Dahlan, Palestinian security chief, said this week."

"Amidst this ambiguity and volley of criticisms are the people -- Palestinians and Israelis -- who say they are tired of war and anxious for change.

Each side highlights the errors of the other, but both have expressed recognition that their counterparts also suffer, and that everyone needs and wants to live in peace."

" 'The violence was a crass error that has cost us a great deal. Now the Palestinian state appears to have distanced itself, and the blame is not just on Sharon,' he [Palestinian taxi driver al-Kurdi] said."

"The opposing viewpoints on how the Palestinian uprising began do not take away from the fact that both sides today agree that the violence must not continue. But to escape this void, they say, will require a much greater effort than has been made so far."

No one wants to live in a country at war, regardless of how much they "hate" the opposing side. Unfortunately, I can offer no solutions for peace that haven't already been attempted.

Speaking of Photos...

2008-12-20T16:57:00.002-05:00

I have created a more official-sounding website for my mini-company (what do you call that?), Through the Aperture Photography. Here is the business card!

Of course I blacked out the rest of the phone number, just in case there are any stalkers or telemarketers reading this blog. But they can feel free to e-mail me because I've got a good spam filter : )

Winter

2008-12-19T19:50:00.001-05:00

I guess it is kind of pretty...sometimes.

Humanity

2008-12-18T11:59:00.002-05:00

As disappointed as I get with people, there are some things that remind me why I love humanity in the first place.

Exhibit A: Snow.

In my opinion, snow is horrible. It is cold. It makes the bottom of your pants wet and seeps into your shoes to soak your socks. Snowy roads reduce the traction of your tires, making driving difficult and dangerous. When the snow churned by cars turns to nasty gray slush, it can slip you up while walking from your car to the house. What is good about snow?

And yet, so many people love snow. Just because it's pretty. I'll often hear people saying, "Oh yay! The first snow of the year!" and to me it sounds like "Oh yay! The first dangerous, cold and wet things of the year are tumbling from the sky!" Despite its many drawbacks, snow's fleeting beauty makes many people love it.

Exhibit B: Ohio.

Over 11 million people live in this place:

Clearly, humans are resilient!

Unfortunately, I am not a member of this wonderful group of optimistic, resilient people. I might have to move to Arizona.

Adoption and Exploitation

2008-12-15T15:36:00.002-05:00

I was watching Adoption Stories today (of course! now that I get cable it's weepy baby shows 24/7), where two families traveled to Siberia to adopt daughters. It was cute, as always, but one of the families really irked me. There was the single mom in her 40s who was super-excited to meet her daughter, no matter what the circumstances. Then there was the Floridian couple, dyed-blonde and fake-tanned, who were hiring doctors to analyze pictures of "the baby" to make sure "it" didn't have any developmental issues. Okay, I understand people might not be able to handle medical or developmental problems. Then, this Suzanne Sommers look-alike explains why she chose to adopt from Russia: "They have such beautiful babies, I mean - they look American! You can't even get American babies in America." I don't know what she was talking about, since there are plenty of children who need adoption here in the States (not that I'm against adopting from overseas at all!). Could she have been referring to the fact that it's hard to adopt WHITE babies in the United States? Was she equating "white" with "American"? Goodness I hope not.

During the commercials of Adoption Stories, there was an advertisement for Children's Hope International, one of those charities that allows you to sponsor a child and get photos and personalized letters about them. I'm always so conflicted when I watch the videos of the stereotypical "poor kid with flies in their eyes and distended bellies, wandering along the dirt road." It's heartbreaking but I can't help feeling sorry for these children, who are filmed and broadcast nationally as a story to be pitied, as examples of the worst kind of life. Sure, this small exploitation may get a lot more people to donate, but is it worth it?

The same is true of documentary photography. The infamous photo of a starving boy being surveyed by a vulture may have inspired people to increase donations to African countries affected by famine, but at the same time, a photographer was intruding on his physical pain and (likely) emotional desperation, without providing any assistance. Pictures of women grieving and wailing at their sons' funerals may have boosted support for Kosovo's independence, but they had to deal with a photographer, coldly snapping the shutter at the worst moments of their lives.

So, is a little exploitation worth it, if it can bring in money and support?

Frustrations

2008-12-09T18:27:00.002-05:00

I am mostly just venting in this post, in hopes that I can calm down a little to deal with all of it tomorrow.

Basically, I'm just irritated with people. No one seems to have civility anymore, and I feel like I have spent so many hours this term just picking up other people's slack.

First, there is the infamous "W," a grade I received for a class I never took and did not intend to register for. My advisor registered me for this class by mistake, and promised to have the "W" removed. So far I think she has sent 7 faxes to the Registrar's Office, and I've spent hours with them in person and on the phone, and the "W"? Still there. I would be more understanding if it had at least been MY mistake!

Then an AT&T guy came to our apartment, talking about $25/month 6 mbps service. I said "Can I think about it and call you?" but of course it was TODAY ONLY! So we signed up. Then we spent a week and a half with tech support, both in our home (so we couldn't leave) and on the phone (this was all my responsibility, of course). The problem had nothing to do with our equipment, but the line into the building. Okay, fine, at least after that ordeal it is working, despite the hassle of getting up at 6 am to finish my final papers on the school computers. When the bill comes, it is for $52. I call the Sales Rep and explain that we were supposed to get a special deal, and she claims she knows nothing about this promotion, but will launch an investigation on our salesperson within 7-14 days. Okay, at least I have fast Internet! Oh, what? We only get 3 mbps? Fantastic, I'm glad I switched from TWC.

Today I received a call from the University Village office at 4:25 while I was babysitting. "This is a call for V-----, just a reminder that if you don't put your rent plus late fee in the dropbox by midnight, you risk eviction from your apartment. You can call us back at #####." I call them back at 4:26 but of course they are gone for the day! To clarify, I have direct deposit and they already charged my account for the rent. So now I have to go in bright and early tomorrow morning to argue with them about whether I'm a liar (okay okay I'm anticipating more problems than there might actually be).

Two weeks ago I found out that one of my papers was accepted for publication! Unfortunately, I used some information from a class I took Spring '07, and the professor has now revoked his permission for me to use the info. It's not as if I will be making any money from this, and it's just an undergraduate journal, so it's not as if it will be read by anyone, but I at least got to feel important for a couple weeks.

I think I will move to the wilderness, where I have no utilities, no bills to contest, no rent for someone to claim is late. Do I dislike the outdoors? Oh certainly. But I think, today at least, I dislike people more!!

Food Coloring in Water

2008-12-05T18:27:00.002-05:00

Both pictures are obviously heavily post-processed.

Still looking for more portrait subjects. If I go home early for winter break, I will be sure to kidnap each of my family members for a photo session. My roommate is in the Air Force, so I am hoping to also get some shots of her in dress uniform. In the meantime, I might be able to take portraits of the kids I babysit, but I'm not sure their parents will be comfortable with my posting them online.

Fun Maps

2008-12-05T13:48:00.002-05:00

Today, while Christmas shopping for my family, I couldn't resist buying myself a world atlas - it was only $13 on sale! It has satellite maps of the world, political maps of the world, charts of economies, populations, and international trade...ooh I can't wait to sit down after my final papers are complete and eat it up.

On the topic of fun maps, I discovered this during a Wikipedia editing spree and thought it would be interesting to post:

Legend

██ No information

Homosexuality legal

██ Same sex marriages

██ Same sex unions

██ No same sex unions

██ Foreign same sex marriages recognized

Homosexuality illegal

██ Minimal penalty

██ Large penalty

██ Life in prison

██ Death penalty

Still More Career Pondering

2008-12-01T15:39:00.002-05:00

Aside from AmeriCorps, most of my career possibilities are outside the United States. It's not that I dislike the U.S. - in fact, I feel very grateful to have been born here. But when I think about the 6+ billion people in the world, and the fact that only a small percentage of us live in America, I can't help but think that I am missing out. By spending the first twenty years of my life in the United States, I have gotten a ridiculously limited perspective on the world. Through World Literature, I am trying to expand my worldview, to understand the way other people might think, but this doesn't seem like enough.

So, American culture has had far too much of my attention lately. I'm glad I was born into what is currently the most powerful nation in the world, but I feel like I can't understand the plight of people in Asia, Africa, South America, or any other region from my vantage point. This is why I want to live elsewhere. I want to teach English in Taiwan to understand what it's like to live in a country that no one recognizes, that has almost no power in the international community. I want to live in South Korea to see what it's like to industrialize a country at lightning speed, and to live next door to the most isolated state on the planet. I can't learn about this by reading books in Columbus; at least I don't feel like I can. East Asia is just the starting point, because they have well-paying teaching jobs for which I am qualified, but I hope to someday understand everyone in the world. Of course that's impossible - I don't even understand everyone in America, and I've lived here my whole life! I don't understand everyone in Columbus, or my apartment building, for heavens' sake. But I at least want to try.

Columbus

2008-11-26T22:06:00.002-05:00

I finally decided to buy a tripod (a cheap one, albeit) so I could take longer-exposure photos without getting that characteristic blur. First stop was Target for the purchase, where I was apparently searching for some extremely advanced photographic technology.

I find the nearest Target employee (this is the one out on Broad Street in Scaryland):

Me: Excuse me, do you know if there are any tripods here?
Employee: What?
Me: I'm looking for a tripod.
Employee: A...tri...pod?
Me: Yeah, a tripod. [thinking I must not be speaking loudly enough]
Employee: Can you try to explain to me what a "tripod" is?
Me: It's like...got three legs, and...you know, so you can put your camera on it to take steady pictures?
Employee: (laughs) Okayyy... (points me to another employee)

As if she had never heard of a tripod before! The second guy knew exactly what I was talking about, and I found them easily. Only $15!

I picked up my roommate from class and sneakily needed to do some "errands" so she had to come with me. Of course, I never go out at night alone! So she sat in the car and watched me take pictures of the Columbus skyline from across the river, in a little residential area next to the Ag campus.

North Columbus, viewed through some trees. And of course the ubiquitous radio tower!

The main buildings of downtown Columbus.

West Campus! The tower on the right of the picture is Lincoln, where I lived two years ago. Sadly I don't think I know anyone still living there.

This holiday weekend I'll force my family to sit for some portraits, and hopefully some of them will let me put them up on the Internet. Happy Thanksgiving!

Traditional Mirror Lake Jump

2008-11-22T15:32:00.003-05:00

Every Thursday before the OSU/Michigan game, many Ohio State students jump in Mirror Lake. Basically it's just an excuse to get drunk and be a part of the community. But of course, every student must at least experience the jump, so I went to take pictures and be the official Dry Clothes Guard for my roommate's sorority group.

Naturally, she got very cold.

(These pictures were taken with my old compact digital camera, because I could totally envision being dragged into the lake while holding my Very Expensive SLR)

Tolerance

2008-11-21T22:38:00.002-05:00

I consider myself to be a very tolerant person, but lately I've realized how "tolerance" can mean different things. I'm very liberal on social and civil rights issues, but I'm not tolerant of bigots. One of the main things that gets my blood boiling (I think almost literally!) is to listen to people talk about their hatred, as if it's acceptable.

My younger sister has a friend who is pretty openly racist, saying things like "Well, I just don't like black guys, that's all." My sister's a very sweet senior in high school, and of course disapproves of racism, but she stays friends with this girl all the same. If one of my friends expressed such a belief, you can bet I wouldn't be inviting them to the movies anymore.

My friend Molly was paired with an extremely homophobic roommate during her study abroad trip, but once the roommate toned down her religious rants, Molly forgave her comments and they now get along quite well. It's amazing to me that she is able to put aside the hatred her roommate feels, and act like nothing happened.

I recently had to spend a couple hours at a party with an acquaintance of mine, who spent the majority of the time entertaining the group with stories of his weird "confused" (aka gay) friend. He mocked his friend's "choice" and excused his remarks by saying "Hey, you know me, I'm a conservative guy." I try to respect people's political views, but I have a lot of trouble recognizing prejudice as a legitimate platform. Against birth control? I disagree, but understand where you're coming from. Communist? I don't think it's great, but I get why it's an appealing system.

Even apart from people my own age, I have trouble "forgiving and forgetting." If I found out that someone is being abused at home, I can't look at their parents the same way ever again, and have to struggle just to be polite. Seeing a friend go back to a manipulative boyfriend/girlfriend after a dramatic break-up, it's hard to go out with them in a group anymore.

For most of the people I know and respect, it takes a lot to warrant breaking a friendship. As far as personal choices, I don't care if someone is doing drugs, behaving promiscuously, or failing all their classes. But when it comes to hurting or hating others, I can barely stand to be around those sorts of people.

My siblings are both very social, because they can still enjoy a person's company, regardless of that person's bias. My roommate is not racist or homophobic at all, but if one of her friends is, she'll just ignore that part of their personality.

So the question is: should I get over my incredible urge to yell at people who express racism, sexism, or other prejudices? I know, I know, yelling doesn't help. If I could get past my intolerance, I might have more friends and be more engaged with my peers. On the other hand, if racists and homophobes had no friends, maybe they would be more persuaded to change their views. Or would it just make them angrier and more prone to violence?

Perspectives

2008-11-20T17:49:00.002-05:00

In my African Studies class, we've been discussing the encounter between Europe and Africa. One particular instance of so-called "neo-colonialism" is a really great example of how different people's perspectives can create the misunderstandings that lead to war.

From the European perspective, here is what happened:
"We saw how the end of colonialism left the economies of African nations in ruins, so we decided to help by providing education. Parliament voted to spend millions of dollars building schools throughout southern Africa, and months later, all but two schools have been burned to the ground by ungrateful locals."

From the African perspective, this is what happened:
"After years of violent struggle, the colonists left. Then they start this neo-colonial practice of sending the Anglican church in to 'educate' our children. Rather than let them convert everyone to that specific brand of Christianity, we chose nonviolence and simply burned the schools."

This sort of theme appears again and again throughout colonial history - each side thinks they are in the right. It's easy to see how misperceptions like this can be the cause of riots and even wars.

Learning is so fun, it makes me consider being a professor. I'd get to study what I want and impart it to students who actually want to learn (most of the time), plus the pay is pretty good. It would be an ideal career, if I could only reconcile the fact that professors don't technically save people's lives. Maybe if I were doing research that could have a real impact on international policy or something.

Until then, I'll get some real-life experience. And today I got a call informing me that my Honors Contract has been approved, so Spring 2009 will be the beginning of real life!

U.S. Air Force Museum

2008-11-18T22:26:00.002-05:00

Last Saturday, my roommate and I went to Dayton to see the air force museum. It was pretty cool, and best of all, admission and parking were free! With gas so cheap nowadays, it seemed like the perfect time for a roadtrip before the highways need plowing.

There were a ton of cool exhibits, and a lot of heart-wrenching ones, as well. First was the Holocaust memorial, which displayed stories of people from the greater Dayton area who either survived the Holocaust or worked to save people from it.

One survivor donated his violin, which survived the war hidden in his home, and was mailed to him many years later. I took a picture of the letter that accompanied the instrument, because he referred to the United States as "mein America," which I thought was so cute (see just below the middle of the photo).

I find the pin-up girls painted on early planes to be offensive! But they're part of our collective nostalgia now.

There was a huge wind tunnel that was used in the olden days to test plane parts.

I guess nobody wanted to watch this film.

They had a model of a UFO, which the army was trying to develop as an all-terrain hovercar. It proved not to be aerodynamic at all, and was ridiculously cost inefficient.

My roommate loves the F-16, and in fact works on the ejection seats in them. She knows fancy words like "egress" (exit) and "inertia reel strap" (seat belt!). A gaggle of ten-year-old boys tried to tell her that she was wrong about the seat in the F-16.

It was a horribly rainy day, but fun nonetheless. Especially because it ended with chocolate dunkers from Pizza Hut (way better than they look, trust me) and a great episode of SNL.